Breakups are vital moments that are lived with great suffering. And although it is true that each of us face this moment in a different way, sometimes the question arises as to whether they have done it before, whether our partners have forgotten us before we have forgotten them.
It can be a somewhat childish doubt, because after a separation it is vital that we "look for ourselves", that we put our pieces back together and that let's get strength from weaknesses, to overcome the duel. Ahora bien, la voz popular siempre ha mantenido que los hombres olvidan pronto, que pasan página rápidamente, pero… ¿es esto verdad? Hoy en Bezzia queremos hablarte de un interesante estudio elaborado en base a dicha idea.
Men take longer to recover
Yes, they are generally men who tend to manage a break with greater difficulty loving According to a study carried out by the New York University of Binghamton and the University College of London, we are the ones who overcome a separation with the greatest integrity and who managed to learn from what happened.
Now, we will start by clarifying some important aspects:
- We cannot generalize, this study published in the journal «Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences » It was carried out through a series of surveys published on the Internet with almost 6.000 people from different parts of the world.
- There is a lot of individual variability, and we even have to take into account that not all relationships we live in are the same. Sometimes we can adequately cope with a break with a certain person, and instead, our last relationship causes us a much greater suffering than all the previous ones.
We must take this study as something specific, something that can guide us but not determine us. People are very different from each other and when it comes to talking about genres, there are always controversies.
Now, according to the director of this work, the anthropologist Graig Morris, this study served to obtain a series of quite interesting data.
Men do not express their emotions
- When a breakup occurs within a couple, we often experience this fact with extreme suffering. But the pain does not last longer than necessary.
- We lived the following days and weeks in a traumatic way. Grief is intense for women, we seek to be alone, let off steam, think about what happened, process it ... but day by day, we gradually return to our usual rhythm.
- Men, for their part, they do not experience that despair immediately. After the breakup, they appear normal, they do not live the duel fully. It is difficult for them to concentrate, they do not perform at work, in studies ... But nevertheless, "they give an image of solvency". They think that time and days will cure everything.
- However, days and months pass, and the pain, instead of softening, becomes more intense. They do not accept it and sometimes fall into self-destructive situations. These are those moments when they "try to reconcile," to try again.
- In view of the fact that they do not process this break in a healthy way, according to this work, men can develop a kind of emotional numbness. They feel empty, and although they may start other relationships, these will be short-lived and superficial.
Women act with resilience
Let us remember that resilience is that attitude that makes us draw strength from adversity, understand it and get new learnings with which to be wiser, more skillful and capable.
It is clear that there are relationships that we cannot forget, but "not forgetting" does not mean not having been able to turn the page to lead a whole and full life.
Living the grieving process helps us a lot to manage emotions, to vent emotions and analyze what happened in a clearer way.
According to Dr. Greg Norris, responsible for this study, this most effective ability of women to overcome a breakup also has to do with an implicit process, a process related to biology and a more evolutionary approach:
- Women we are more selective than men to find a partner. We serve more dimensions, more aspects. And while a breakup is traumatic, we can overcome it because we also know that "a more suitable partner" is in our best interest. The search therefore continues.
- In the case of men, breaking up means having to taking on other candidates or opponents for a partner. It is investing more time and effort, when somehow, until not long ago, you had a partner that fit your needs.
It is clear that these ideas may seem somewhat deterministic, but remember that they are based on an evolutionary approach. Now let's see what psychological processes can determine the fact that they take longer to forget, to accept a goodbye. Or a "so far our relationship"
The importance of emotional management
That women, in general, manage emotions better than men is accepted.
- We have greater empathy
- We know how to translate our emotions, our needs, fears and affections into words.
- We know how to channel negative emotions, either through tears or by saying what we feel aloud.
Men, generally and without using generic terms, they tend to hide their sadness more, your disappointment. A break, sometimes, generates anger, frustration ... And all negative emotions weigh for a long time.
The usual thing is to know how to vent, open up emotionally and accept what happened and go through all the grief that usually accompanies any loss. And also it is necessary to accept, forgive and "let go" of our life and our mind.
The moment the mind is free of burdens and resentments, one can advance in peace. However, according to the study we have told you about, the male personality does not let go of these sensations so easily.