Experts argue that between half and up to 80% of all interpersonal communication is non-verbal. There is no question, non-verbal communication is impactful and can make or break a message. This type of communication goes far beyond the simple lack of the spoken word.
They are hand gestures, eye contact, posture, body movement, and the way we tilt or nod our head. It is how we present ourselves and how the public receives us. Non-verbal communication plays an important role in the transmission of intentional and unintended messages, so it is important to take it seriously and do it well.
But how do you notice the non-verbal cues you have? How do you adjust them for optimal effect? To start with, you have to understand the non-verbal signals that you are sending. Take a look in a mirror, videotape, or have a friend or colleague observe you in a mock conversation and provide feedback. You may be surprised by what you see and learn.
Your non-verbal communication
In your non-verbal communication, it is your gestures who speak without words, therefore, you must take the following into account:
- Take posture into account. You should be comfortably upright, leaning towards the person with whom you are speaking to convey an open and accessible message. Conversely, slouching or walking away from someone can make you appear angry or unapproachable.
- Take care of your arms. The arms should be comfortably by your side or in your lap if you are sitting. If you are on a podium or table, your arms can rest on the object. Don't cross your arms, point fingers, or use erratic arm gestures. Many people naturally make gestures with their arms when they speak. Be mindful of yours and work to calm the movements. Putting your hands on your hips or behind your back can send a message that you are bored, angry, or unpleasant.
- Firm eye contact. People who don't look others in the eye or change their eyes don't seem trustworthy. You can still review notes, but make sure your eyes make contact with the person you are talking to for most of the conversation. Some people blink rapidly when nervous, or blink very little when concentrating. Both extremes are not natural and will distract from the message you are trying to send.
- Be aware of facial expressions. The expression of the people changes according to the moment or the feeling that one has. Each of your expressions will convey a message and could alter the direction of the conversation.
- Calm your restlessness. Restless people are often seen as bored, impatient, or distracted. Depending on your fussy habit, you may also appear anxious or angry. Examples here include holding or touching fingers, playing with fingernails, touching or rotating pens or other small objects, and frequently changing legs or sitting position.
- Pay attention to a disconnect between your verbal and non-verbal. The most common example of this is saying that you are happy or "fine" while frowning with your shoulders slumped. This is inconsistent and can make other people uncomfortable. Worse still, it's important to note that when inconsistent behaviors exist in conversation, people will naturally focus on the unspoken messages. Then moods and emotions will prevail.