Adolescence is the stage of life that involves the passage from childhood to adulthood. Sometimes it can get complicated for both parents and children. At this stage, adolescents experience important changes that can generate tense situations in the family nucleus.
Hormonal changes, the search for identity and the new and more and more frustrations that they will have to face… The perfect cocktail for the explosion of the conflict. For this reason, today we want to talk about the importance of negotiating with teenage children. Knowing how to make a pact with a teenage son is a very effective tool to reduce arguments at home. We give you the keys!
The importance of negotiating with teenage children
The teen years don't have to be all about conflict and difficult times. In this stage, the adolescent is in the moment of transition to adult life. It therefore comes accompanied by greater responsibilities and greater autonomy.
It is in adolescence, when we have the perfect opportunity to teach effective skills that allow them to achieve their goals. This is where the power of negotiation and the sense of compromise come into play. Using this technique, We promote autonomy in adolescents. In addition, it can be very effective in stressful situations.
Do not impose the negotiation
It is important that for a negotiation to be effective, it is not imposed. This means that when we seek to make a pact with our son, it is by mutual agreement. If we force the creation of pacts, the adolescent's commitment to it will surely be null.
If, once a negotiation is proposed, we get a refusal from the children, let's not insist. In this case, our stance will be more inflexible and we will set standards unilaterally. It is important to make the adolescent see this. If you want to get some autonomy, you have to start making pacts in an adult way.
The freedom it gives being able to accept and reject options in a negotiation, it will be more attractive than just assuming rules.
How to start an agreement
Never start a negotiation in a conflict situation. If we address this issue in the middle of a fight, it is very likely that the adolescent will receive it as a provocation. The most suitable moment? The one in which a predominant pleasant climate that allows us to communicate with our children in a calm way. In this way it will be much easier to reach agreements since we will find greater receptivity in the children.
Keep your word
Committing ourselves to something with our children, and then breaking our word. Consequence? They will lose trust in us and assume that there is no use in negotiating. Remember that you are his role model. If you want them to commit to what you have agreed to, you must too. In addition, this also applies to children. When it is the adolescent who does not keep his word, you as parents will act accordingly.
If there is a setback, make the most of it!
If a negotiation has started, the adolescent break the pact sometime, let's not force. As I have commented previously, demanding agreements will not do any good. In these cases, we again make use of the unilateral rules. The adolescent, having experienced that autonomy that gives the power to decide, you will end up seeing that much juicier option.
Advantages of negotiation
- It favors the communication between parents and children
- Promotes the empathy, knowing how to wear "In the place of the other"
- Teach children to listen and respect the opinions of others
- It favors the expression of feelings
- Encourages autonomy
But remember ... Not everything should be negotiable!