Sexual fantasies: secrets in the bedroom

The world of reality and the world of fantasy are sometimes separated by a fine line. They are part of the lives of most people, however, they are part of the complex fabric of sexuality in the couple and can generate both satisfaction and dissatisfaction.

But What are fantasies? They are personal creations that point to the fulfillment of a wish, and also, like any exercise of creation, to the practice of a certain role. In that sense, all fantasies (not just sexual ones) cover a wide range of scripts.

The origin of fantasies
Fantasy is a psychic phenomenon that exists since childhood. As time goes by, the fantasies are transformed. They begin at puberty, with the imagination of caresses or displays of tenderness. As they grow older, adolescents fantasize about relationships with other people and thus define the role they would like to have in life, adolescents generally imagine themselves as lovers or as spectators of a love situation. These satisfactory thoughts play a very important role, for shy people or those who do not dare to face a romance or try a rapprochement with the opposite sex, it helps them to mentally practice the situation and then be able to specify it.

It is not convenient to think of fantasy as the product of dissatisfaction, but rather as the expectation of a desire, with what one supposes that he likes, with things that will give pleasure to the subject. In this sense, fantasies can be unlimited (in the number of people, in the sexes or in the stories they interpret). Fantasies often act as consolation, when they bring into play a situation that, although it has not happened and may never happen, produces satisfying sensations.

Reality does not always meet expectations and fantasy is there to help you. Some couples use their imagination to "spice up" married life.

In couples therapy, fantasies are used as a resource. The brain releases neurotransmitters that increase sexual desire, in cases where it is inhibited, a very widespread problem.

To count or not to count
What fantasy do you have? Tell me ... trust me, it is usually a constant claim that both men and women make to their partners, but is it good to tell the intimacies?

• Some sexologists argue that stimulating women to tell their fantasies can cause profound changes in the couple, thus running the risk of losing a field as exclusive as it is individual: eroticism. Fantasy is a product of the imagination and is not meant to pass into reality. The expectation of fantasy is, fundamentally, that it is a development of the field of thought, of the creation and imagination of the subject.
• Telling sexual fantasies can be good to the extent that it enriches the couple, but if it results in loss of trust and suspicion, it is not a good choice. Sharing sexual fantasies in the couple can sometimes re-launch the desire or increase it. But it can also generate rejection in the partner or inhibition; This happens when the fantasy of one is not compatible with that of the other, or touches a sensitive point in the couple. Thus, what is originally a pleasant situation can turn into a conflict that is difficult to handle.
• When they are excessive. Each couple has its own internal rules, and what applies to one does not always apply to another. While some prefer to talk about what they feel, others choose silence. When it comes to fantasies, the waters are divided between those who want to know what their partner's imagination haunts and those who don't. Some even tell the fantasies and incorporate them into married life.
• The secret is that there is good communication so that couples can negotiate and adapt their own fantasies to a possible reality, sometimes these can be carried out, but in other cases they are excessive and, unless the couple shares the same ideology, it is best to reserve them. This occurs when the fantasies include third parties, which can cause jealousy or anguish. Though not always…

Sometimes they dare to propose this type of fantasy, this is the case of swingers, who exchange partners, and there are also cases in which a third person is invited to have sexual activity.

The role played by fantasies is always the same: they release endorphins, which are the substances responsible for providing pleasure and triggering the release of chemicals that cause reactions in the body similar to those of a true sexual desire.
This mechanism, which originates in the imagination, is the one that acts during the relationships that are established over the internet, very common in these times. When the visual stimulus does not exist, the mind acts supplying the sight.

In man a recurring fantasy is to be the savior of a degraded woman; the woman, on the other hand, fantasizes about Don Juan, about the man who possesses them all, seeking in it the answer to her own femininity.

Push the limits
Fantasies can also be a source of distress when they are out of control and when the person who lives them suffers from them. There are people who feel tormented by their fantasies, it is necessary to evaluate on these occasions, when they are pathological (if they refer to a prohibited or illegal sexual activity) and if they are compulsive, because in those cases they will require treatment.

Homosexual fantasies also generate anguish when sexuality is not fully assumed. When to suspect about a repressed homosexuality?

There is a stage in adolescence in which it can be common to fantasize about sexual activities in which one interacts with characters of the same gender, if these fantasies appear in adulthood they can speak of a lack of definition in identity. The parameter to decide a professional consultation should always be the consequences that the fantasies generate in the person.

There are fantasies that generate anguish, because in reality the fantasies are the product of the imagination and should not have the objective of happening to reality, or of being told. But if any thought is recurrent for the subject or puts him in a situation of great anguish, it will be necessary to consult a professional, not because of the thematic content of the fantasy, but because of the discomfort that it can cause.

What do women think about…

• Auditory fantasies (a voice, a sound, etc.)
• Sexual submission
• Fantasies with other women
• Courtship, prelude, or love game fantasies
• Romantic images
• Fantasies in which they are situated as the center of a sexual activity in which more than one man participates

And the men…

• Visual fantasies (erotic or pornographic movies, photos, etc.)
• Genital fantasies
• Fantasies with voluptuous women
• Dominant role
• Harem, sexual relations with several women
• Seeing your partner having sex with someone else