Praise is a good way to tell children that they are doing the right thing, that they are on the right track. But for praise to really be good in child rearing, it should be used only when necessary and with caution. Children should never be praised to encourage them when their work or behavior is not correct, because then we would be transmitting a contradictory message.
Also, children know when they are being praised in an insincere way and may feel even worse. Therefore, it is necessary to praise children but to really do it when it is necessary and at the right time. Below we are going to explain two situations where praise would be necessary and appropriate.
Praise the child when he has behaved in a respectful way
If your child has been respectful and sporty, for example at a soccer game, you can say something like, 'Great job today.' Although the best way to praise so that he realizes that you have really noticed his effort And that what you say is sincere, that is to say the following to him: 'Today you have shown great sportsmanship on the field of play. You shook hands with the other team's player, you didn't complain when you didn't like some things the referee said and you helped the teammate who fell to the ground to get up. You are an important part of your team and your actions show it. '
When you say things like "good job," your child may not even know what you mean. Label your compliments to be specific and so your child understands why you are praising them. Instead of simply praising him for his skills or talents, point out how he behaves around other people and talks about how his actions affect others. Your child's ability to behave with respect is much more important than whether he won or lost a game.
Praise your child's hard work (their effort)
Imagine that your child wants to play a game that he likes and has trained hard to achieve it. You might say things like, 'Wow, you taught us we were wrong, we didn't expect you to be able to do that well.' This message is somewhat confusing.
It is better to say something like: 'The manager must have noticed that you have been trying very hard this season and that is why he has decided that you play the game today, and also you have played very well!'
Avoid giving compliments lightly when you point out your child's weaknesses and don't compare him to other children. That can make your child want to be the "best." Instead, praise their efforts and make it clear that sometimes the effort is worth it, but avoid giving them unrealistic expectations. Know that hard work is not always as successful and praise him when he shows a willingness to bounce back after failure… you are learning resilience!
Often times, it's easier to praise your child's characteristics and accomplishments than to point out those character-building life lessons. But if you seek them out, you will find many opportunities to praise your child's behavior and efforts… building his self-esteem.