Not to feel in order not to suffer. It may surprise you, but this is a very common attitude today on the part of many people who have suffered a love disappointment. A sentimental failure or a rupture not managed properly, can leave us certain fears and above all, the need to "protect ourselves." To avoid falling in love again because we associate the word love with "suffering."
If this is your case, if you think that it is better not to risk starting a new relationship because you are sure that you will suffer again, we invite you to read this article. Authentic happiness can never be guaranteed, throughout our life cycle nothing is certain, but love, the ability to offer this feeling and receive it, is always an adventure that deserves live with courage. Let us therefore consider a number of important ideas.
What is really behind this fear of falling in love?
The fear of falling in love again is a defense mechanism that we establish to protect ourselves. We think that in this way we will achieve a personal balance with which, to get away from that suffering of yesterday, but in reality, what we are achieving is to avoid facing the real problem. So let's see what is behind this common idea:
An unsurpassed personal story
The failure of a previous relationship is undoubtedly usually that wall that prevents us from moving forward normally, as brave people willing to have new partners. Sometimes, not only the pain remains, but also the resentment for not having been able to forgive, and close a stage in an appropriate way.
We must be aware that life has moments of happiness, but pain, loss or disappointment are dimensions that must also be part of who we are. And we will learn from them to grow like people. We know that it is not easy to assume a betrayal, or even a "I don't love you anymore", but the sooner we accept what happened, the better we will cross this "personal abyss."
How then do we manage to manage these losses, these ruptures of the bond with the person we loved? With Emotional Intelligence. A breakup is like going through a duel: You have the right to cry, to scream, to seek your lonely moments and to get angry. But later, you have to accept what happened thinking that the past is past, and that you deserve to be happy again. Sorry, don't look to blame or you will fuel further anger, it's just about "letting go and moving on."
A strong protection mechanism
People establish powerful throughout our lives protection mechanisms conscious or unconscious, through which to try to lead a functional life. Although within ourselves, there is that emptiness, that unhealed anger, that unforgiven pain or that sadness that we cannot alleviate.
It is very difficult to spend a lifetime with this feeling, with the fear of falling in love again. It is something that makes us even more fragile, because we lose opportunities to be happy again, to bet on life and ourselves. The pain of before must remain in the past, the ideal is to break those protective walls and dare to love again, having obtained a previous learning.
Think of your previous failure as a lesson learned that you have assumed with maturity, maintaining a very strong self-esteem. You have the right to love again, so it's time to banish the erroneous idea that to love is to suffer.
Dare to fall in love again, listen to your needs
We know you need time. Get over a relationship that has hurt us requires time and a slow process of daily improvement where enthusiasm and motivation must not be lacking. So it would be ideal if you take these ideas into account:
- Listen to yourself every day. What do you feel today? If there is still resentment or sadness inside you, face them. Manage those negative emotions and transform them into renewed illusions. Make sure there is no resentment left in you.
- Become aware of new positive emotions: Make new projects, make changes in your life trying that your day to day no longer reminds you of that person you left behind. If at some point the bad memories return, face them, become aware that you are a new and stronger woman, that you are capable of forgiving and that for you the past is the past. No longer exists. Now the important thing is your "here and now."
- Open your door to any opportunity that makes you happy. It's not about looking for a partner right away, not at all. What we care about above all is to be good with ourselves, we are not in a hurry or obligations. We will enjoy who we are, what we see in front of our mirror and that personal process in which we try to fulfill our own dreams and our goals. If someone worthwhile appears during that process, we will give it a try. And we will do it while maintaining the security in ourselves knowing what we want and what we are not willing to allow. Your heart will always be ready to fall in love as long as you dare to be brave again and bet on your happiness. And that is something that is always worth it. Do you agree?
Love is not always suffering, but a path that can give us the key to a new happiness. Don't miss your chance.