Tough guys or just labeled "bad guys." Charismatic profiles who, at first glance, seem to have great self-confidence. Perhaps that is what attracts us to them, a vision sometimes associated with a myth that does not always offer us a stable and satisfactory relationship. There are several studies carried out around this idea, interested in finding out why these male types tend to be the ones that most frequently seduce women.
It was Peter Jonason, from the University of New Mexico (USA), who led a group of scientists in order to draw conclusions around this idea. The most revealing thing was undoubtedly knowing that this type of attraction tends to occur especially among younger women, changing the trend a bit as we mature. But Jonason was able to demonstrate, for example, the high success rate in university contexts, of all those older boys. extroverted, unstable, and with narcissistic touches. Something to keep in mind, since it is these types of personalities that lead to the most failures when establishing a relationship. Let's see it in detail.
The risk of establishing a relationship with a narcissistic personality
That's right, guys who are routinely labeled "tough" actually hide a quite dangerous personality. Obviously we cannot generalize, but they generally present clearly narcissistic features as well as showing a tendency to Machiavellianism. This last dimension would encompass the following behaviors:
- Despotic behaviors, where the feeling of superiority, and the need for their merits and talents to be recognized.
- They usually have a empathy very low, they are not able to recognize emotions in the other person, because in general, they value their own emotions more.
- The criteria by which they are usually related is basically for personal benefit. Their charm, their attractiveness, unfolds above all to achieve what they want, hence their emotional response is usually feigned.
- They are usually skillful manipulators, and smart to get what they want.
At this point you will surely wonder how many women find them attractive. Professor D. Asquith (2014) indicates that it is often precisely the "bad guys" who are the most sexual success they usually have. And this is basically because they are seductive and they know how to deploy the appropriate strategies to attract women.
There are those who even add the biological purpose and the idea that women, apparently, we would detect in these masculine qualities some good indicators of reproduction. But leaving this questionable aspect what does seem to be clear is that this type of attraction is usually had in our early days. When we are younger and we let ourselves be carried away by the risk component. But there is another fact that also usually draws attention: more than half of the women who start a relationship with this type of men, they know perfectly well that they are not going to end well. That it is not going to give them stability. But the simple "risk" involved is in itself exhilarating enough to be worth it.
What are the healthiest dimensions to look for in a man?
We know that we can't always choose the people we fall in love with. But as we grow and mature, experience will show us that there are different profiles that are healthier than others. People who will be able to make us happy and toxic personalities that, however, will only bring us suffering. Let us therefore analyze which dimensions are the ones that can offer us more confidence in a couple:
1. Respect and commitment
Respect translates into the feeling that we are important to someone, that they value who we are and what defines us. Trust is implicit in respect "I love you for who you are and I trust you, that's why I give you freedom to continue growing as a person, and also by my side as a couple." Commitment is also essential to know that a relationship has a future, that it is not a momentary need that will be broken the moment one of you ceases to be interested. The commitment is in the future plans in the short and long term, in that which offers us security and strengthen greater emotional ties with our partner.
2. Communication and empathy
Is essential. Being able to communicate openly with someone knowing that we are listened to and understood, that our needs are attended to, that they can read our words and gestures, is something basic in a relationship. Being able to speak constructively, with the complicity of looks and caresses is very important. These are moments where we sense that empathy on the part of the other, who understands what makes us happy and what hurts us ... all of this will undoubtedly configure a stable and healthy relationship. There where we will find happiness.
In conclusion. Bad guys have magnetism and charisma. But only in the world of cinema. In daily life these types of personalities are usually somewhat immature and prone to emotional failure. They can be very attractive in our high school days or early college years, of course, where excitement and risk are always more exhilarating. But as we mature, we will know what is really good for us. And they might even end up those bad boys too maturing over time and they become worthwhile people. Who knows.