"If we are unhappy, why are we still together?" Maybe on some occasion you have seen yourself in this same dilemma, in this same situation where many emotions are mixed. Many conflicting feelings. Perhaps it is the custom, or it is possible that we still love each other despite everything. Or we may even be afraid of breaking our bond and simply being alone.
The reasons why a couple can be unhappy are many, but the explanations for why they do not end that relationship due to suffering are sometimes even more complex. We can speak of fears, of guilt, of one of the members that perhaps exercises the dominator role making breakup impossible. Let's talk about this interesting topic today, hoping to help you if you ever see yourself experiencing this problem.
Reasons why an unhappy couple maintains their relationship
It may be hard to believe, but according to numerous statistical reports there are many unhappy couples who refuse to end their relationship. Despite the incompatibility and suffering perceived by both, almost 20% of these couples prefer to maintain this stability.
We have to bear in mind that sometimes, the role of the "Wife dependent on husband" it still carries a lot of weight in these cases. We speak above all of older generations, of other more classic mentalities where it is not easy to "start from scratch", when a whole life has been spent with a person, and especially, depending on him.
In the case of younger generations, this phenomenon also occurs. Although the possibility that in the long term the separation ends up taking place, it is in these cases much more feasible. Still, it is worth understanding what makes this distance, this break, not happen before for the good of both members. Let's see it:
1. Fear and guilt
One of the two may not decide to take the step out of fear. For fear of hurting the other person despite being aware, that he no longer loves his partner. This feeling is sometimes transformed into a feeling of guilt, an indefinable pity for everything lived, everything what was offered and received. We are aware that this separation is going to cause a lot of pain to the other person and, we simply do not dare to do it or we postpone it.
2. The dreaded loneliness
And what am I going to do if I am left alone? Sometimes life without a person by our side causes us not only fear, but also insecurity. It may be that this relationship has lasted a long time, and one of us does not get used to the idea of having to change, of having to face a new existence without someone with us. Thus, the suffering of now may be much better than the loneliness of tomorrow.
3. The complex power games
Very characteristic of toxic relationships where there is someone who submits and someone who depends. In this type of relationship, one of the two members lacks decision-making power and lives subject to the will of the couple. Despite suffering, frustration and unhappiness, he has to endure all of this out of fear. Out of fear of how the other person will react if we tell them we want to quit. Submission reaches unimaginable quotas. They are tough and very complex situations.
4. Couples who have "other agreements"
It happens often. They are relationships that go beyond the simple commitment between two people. «I know that things are going badly, since my partner is cheating on me with someone else. However, I assume it, and in turn, I look for another lover with whom to compensate for this betrayal. They establish a kind of "Implicit agreements" that on occasions, they are usually accepted and that they achieve that an apparently unhappy relationship continues to be maintained.
Other couples, for example, continue their relationship because there is an economic benefit that neither of them wants to lose, or it may even be the children themselves who prevent them from establishing a definitive separation. They are also complex situations that only the members of the couple can understand.
5. Hopes and time
We know, today we are unhappy, but what if we wait a little longer to see how things progress? Perhaps, with time, the situation will improve, we will mature and manage to learn from present mistakes. This is undoubtedly the most common justification when it comes to extending a relationship that does not work.
The truth is that rarely does this formula work. Difficulties and differences usually get a little bigger over time, and what we achieve is to increase the amount of suffering and even anger when we see that, indeed, things have not improved.
Sometimes we are both very aware that extending an impossible relationship over time is not the best idea. This requires being brave to break that bond, something painful, something sometimes traumatic, but in the long term, it will undoubtedly be the healthiest thing to do. Feeding on suffering is damaging our self-esteem, our integrity and living in a false situation that will only bring us anger and frustration. Not worth it. If you are unhappy, and there is no hope, dare to "let go", to advance in solitude assuming new paths.