The fear of love is a really common phenomenon: it is what is known as philophobia. We can experience this feeling after having lived a complex relationship, where we have invested many illusions, time and efforts to end up being very hurt.
Any situation that is not dealt with properly, leaves its mark on us. And if that "wound" has not been cauterized through a more constructive approach, and with adequate resources for emotional management, self-esteem and resilience, it is most likely that we associate love with pain. Hence, we close the door to our hearts. Today in "Bezzia» we invite you to reflect on it.
When the fear of love turns into suffering
Something that we must be clear about is that not all people live their relationships in the same way. There are those who live an abandonment or a deception with strength, turning the page as soon as possible and focusing their life on people who are really worth it to allow themselves to be happy again.
Other people, on the other hand, are "stranded." When we're paralyzed by something we didn't expect (a disappointment, a cold farewell note, perceiving the coldness in the loved one) The last thing we should think about is the following:
- It's my fault, I'm not good enough for my partner.
- It is clear that love is suffering, that loving someone is having to cry every day.
- The same thing always happens to me, I only attract the least appropriate people for me.
These thoughts violate our self-esteem and make us fall into a very harmful vicious circle: I suffer because the responsibility is mine-I have a hard time because loving is having to suffer.
The act of falling in love involves a change in the biochemistry of our brain: we feel more vulnerable, needy, excited and obsessed. Given the effects of these neurotransmitters, it is necessary to focus on aspects that will help us maintain control of the situation:
- Loving is not suffering. If on any occasion they told you that "whoever loves you well will make you cry", forget it. They are nothing more than false statements of romantic love.
- To love is to know how to team up, it is to build before destroying. It is complicity and it is happiness. If you don't feel it, love is not authentic.
- For one or more deceased relationships we should not close the doors of our hearts or be afraid of love. Living is a long apprenticeship, a long path where there will be mistakes, bridges to rebuild and roads to avoid. The important thing is to learn from what we have experienced, to know what we want and what we don't.
In the end, the right person will come if we allow, of course, that our hearts trust again.
Closing the doors to love will not prevent you from all suffering
Having "fear of fear" is the most disabling attitude for the human being. Wanting to have a partner or not is a choice of each one, it is something that we must be clear about, because happiness is built the way one wants it at all times.
Now, the simple act of "putting up walls" to tell ourselves "I'm not going to fall in love again so they don't hurt me" is to reveal several vulnerabilities:
- Not being able to face those negative emotions and be released. If someone has hurt us, it is best to face it, accept it, grieve and then simply turn the page.
- The fact of not wanting to fall in love makes us prisoners of the one who hurt us. If a worthwhile person comes into your life and you close the doors of your heart, it will be because the past survives too strongly in your memory. Y a life that looks only at yesterday, the present is lost: it is not worth it.
Understand that life sometimes brings uncertainties and pain: but everything is learning
Don't see failure as an end point. A disappointment, no matter how hard it may be, should not veto being able to be happy again. Understand that life is not a straight line, that happiness is not guaranteed for anyone. However, every complicated moment allows us to know ourselves better, and to know how to focus our future in a different way.
Be the architect of your own happiness: take control
In what way can I be the architect of my happiness? Very easy: change your thoughts and you will change your reality.
- Thoughts originate new emotions, and emotions actions that allow us to see life differently. Leave the person who hurt you in yesterday and focus on you and only you. Understand that you deserve to take care of yourself, to heal those wounds with new illusions, with new projects and renewed hopes.
- Finding a partner is not an obligation, it is not a goal. Now, if it arrives and you see that it adjusts to your emptiness, that it gives light to your darkness and that it brings you laughter in moments of sadness, allow yourself to dare, do not close the doors of your heart and do not be afraid to love again.
However, the most essential thing is to always love yourself, see yourself every day with enough strength to face everything, with optimism and courage. Yes you are happy and you feel good, nothing can with you, nothing can hurt you because you know how to defend yourself, because you know what you want.
Apply these simple ideas on a day-to-day basis and learn to know yourself better to overcome those fears that on so many occasions veto our well-being and our future in such a complex way..It's worth it!