Of course they exist. All families have family secrets that children do not discover until they are adults, and sometimes not even that! All parents want to raise happy children and keep them safe from family secrets that could influence their development, that is why adults often choose not to tell their children certain things, and that is not bad.
But children can tell when information is being withheld. Do not fool yourself… they speculate and fantasize and are often not surprised when the truth comes out. Parents keep a variety of secrets in an effort to protect their young children and teens, but I firmly believe that teens are old and mature enough to hear real family stories. And, maybe telling the truths to the family is yet another gift that you can give your children for Christmas.
Telling the secrets can bring the family together
Telling the secrets can unite the family, as long as it is taken into account that they are secrets that children can understand, assimilate and that it will not cause any type of emotional problem. Some of the most common family secrets are:
- Family mental health problems. In all families there can be mental health problems such as suicide, depression, substance abuse ... Maybe you think that talking about it can negatively influence your children, but in reality it is not like that. It gives an opportunity to start an honest dialogue about how to help and prevent these problems. In no case is it a secret that should embarrass anyone.
- Family members who die tragically. Just because they are no longer present does not mean that their memory should be erased. The stories and the legacies should live. The deceased relatives and their stories must be woven into an authentic and genuine family tapestry.
- Family members who are criminals. Yes, people in the best of families may have relatives or may have committed crimes themselves. It is better to use these stories as a teaching in the children. It is a far greater crime to bury this information.
- You had a bad childhood. This is necessary for your children to know and more if they are teenagers. The purpose is not to use your adolescent as a confidant but for your child to see them as a real person with the ability to grow to overcome disappointments and real problems. Children should know that not everything is idyllic and that what matters is having and learning resilience to improve in life.
Better without lies
For a family to be connected, it is better that there are no lies or secrets that when discovered can affect its members too much, because this can break any family. Secrets and lies can cause stomachaches And it can make children feel confused and betrayed.
If a family is broken by secrets or lies, recovering it again is quite complicated. Trust is the basis of any interpersonal relationship, especially in families.