Have you ever had a "toxic" partner relationship? A love that brought you more suffering than happiness? It is curious to consult the statistics that psychologists provide us on this subject to see that it is common for those who have ever been in a toxic relationship to repeat the experience on more than one occasion. Why do we sometimes "fall" over and over again in such harmful relationships?
There are several factors that should quickly warn us that certain people are not prepared to be a couple or even to maintain any kind of relationship with them, even a friendly one. The best thing is to keep a clear distance. However, there are a number of dimensions that you must work on yourself to recognize these profiles in time. Today in Bezzia we want to delve into this type of common problem.
Toxic relationships: Why do we sometimes repeat these experiences?
First, we have to make one aspect clear. No relationship is the same, each union that we establish with a certain person is unique and has distinctive characteristics. Now the suffering that we feel for a toxic and harmful relationship, is always the same. There where our rights are violated, where our self-esteem is weakened and where, without realizing it, we end up being that "satellite that goes around a planet", around its partner. We lose our way, and we feel empty.
Different relationships but the same problem, the toxicity of people who are unable to bring happiness. Now let's see what dimensions we must be clear about to avoid starting new relationships and making the same mistakes.
1. Beware of protective loves
Many women like to feel protected, clothed and cared for. Toxic relationships often start with these types of behaviors:
- Detailed people who attend to each of our needs, are protective and at the beginning, we let ourselves be dazzled by this type of attention.
- Little by little these attentions become something more demanding. Small blackmails and reproaches appear: "With everything I do for you and now you deny me this", "You know that I would do it for you", "I always worry about you and you do not seem to appreciate it."
- Protection that becomes demanding is not healthy, it is a masked attempt at domination and covert blackmail.
2. Beware of love that does not know how to trust
Trust is an essential part of a happy and healthy relationship. Distrustful people respond perfectly to those jealous profiles that they exercise control over their partners, that prohibit, that monitor, that control ...
If we build our relationship as a couple on The distrust, there will never be intimacy and complicity to grow personally, to mature together and be happy. There will always be discussions, we will always do things with insecurity and fear. And a relationship that rises above these dimensions can only bring us suffering.
3. Beware of immature loves
Toxic relationships are generally exercised immature and insecure personalities. They are people with many emotional needs who have not acquired basic skills such as good self-esteem, a healthy self-concept and an adequate emotional balance to be able to make other people happy.
If they don't have a strong image of themselves, they will project their insecurities onto us. Take note of their most frequent behaviors:
- Frequent mood swings, there are days when we are the best thing that has happened in their lives, while at other times, we appear before their eyes as weak people unable to make them happy.
- They use the resource of irony to attack us, to ridicule us or put us in evidence. They are skillful strategies by which to humiliate and weaken us, leaving us at a lower level than them through which to exercise domination.
4. Be careful with that love that does not allow you to be yourself
Often, we start a new relationship full of hope, we are excited and we focus our entire world on that person. You must be careful with these types of behaviors:
- Forming a couple is not giving up everything that characterizes you, what is your own and what defines you. It is good to get excited, to do projects ... It is something necessary, there is no doubt, but if there comes a time when you give up more things than you get, then you are running a very high risk.
- If your partner starts forbid you certain things, if you perceive that day by day you leave behind those hobbies that you used to like to practice, if you have stopped seeing your friends, and you notice that you are even putting your professional career aside, stop for a moment to think about where you are . do you think it's worth it? Are you still the same woman from a few years ago, the one who was excited about life and whose mind was full of projects?
- No one should prevent you from being yourself, no one should shut up your words or clip the wings of your dreams and needs.
In conclusion. It is worth remembering that to be a couple, it is "adding", never subtracting. We must be able to grow as a couple but also individually, enriching each other and respecting each other, loving each other with maturity and confidence. If you perceive that you are not receiving any of this, and that you only notice the suffering of your heart, break the threads of that toxic relationship as soon as possible. Unhappiness is never an option. It is a door to close. Learn to recognize toxic personalities before they get too far into your life.