Cultural discomfort leaves women experiencing a miscarriage with a wall of silence, misunderstanding, and loneliness. One in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage. There are people who do not recognize this loss and society does not recognize the pain that this produces in a woman who has been pregnant and that suddenly everything ends.
Miscarriage is defined as the loss of a fetus before 20 weeks. From a medical perspective, miscarriage is easily treated as a "routine complication of pregnancy." Emotionally, however, it can take a massive toll. Women who experience miscarriage feel great pain and a sense of loss. They may experience anxiety, depression, and even PTSD in the weeks, months, or years following the miscarriage.
The importance of the environment
Family, friends, and healthcare professionals play an important role in supporting women affected by miscarriage: What they say or don't say can have a lasting impact. Cultural discomfort must be overcome. So how can we better support women? What do women need from family, friends, and healthcare professionals at the time of a miscarriage?
What can you do
Acknowledge your loss
While it may worry you, you may inadvertently say the wrong thing, but if you don't tell him anything, he'll feel worse. Saying nothing can make women feel like you don't care or think their loss was insignificant. All you need to say is: 'I'm really sorry for your miscarriage. '. Just because it's common doesn't mean it's not extremely traumatic.
Listen and let me cry by your side
Many women need to talk about their experience. Ask them how he is. Some women find it really helpful to talk about how they are feeling, others may not be ready, but they will appreciate your asking.
Encourage her to talk to other women who have been through the same
Often it's only when women start talking about miscarriage that they find out that other people around them have also experienced a miscarriage. Knowing that you are not alone and that other women understand how you are feeling can be very helpful.
What is better that you do NOT do
Avoid typical comments
Although they are well-intentioned comments, comments such as 'it happened to you because it was not destined to be born' or 'it is very common', can be potentially harmful and painful for a woman who was excited about her pregnancy and has had a loss.
Avoid blaming or offering unsolicited advice
Be sensitive and empathetic; don't offer advice that might make a woman feel like she is to blame.
Recognize that grief does not have a time limit
The stages of mourning for women do not depend on how many weeks pregnant they have been: their baby has died. It is okay for you to work through your pain in your own time. Don't judge him if he needs more time to collect himself.