Abu mafi wuya game da soyayya ba ƙiyayya ba ne, amma rashin kulawa ne

Babban abin da muke tsoro a cikin dangantakarmu shi ne sun daina sonmu. Koyaya, nesa da abin da mutane da yawa suke tunani, ɓarnawar zuciya koyaushe yana da alaƙa da ƙiyayya. Babu wanda ya daina son mutum saboda dare ɗaya, sai suka fara jin ƙiyayya ko ƙi a gare su.

A bayyane yake cewa zai iya faruwa, amma mafi yawanci shine kowace rana rashin sha'awar kananan abubuwa yana tasowa, zamu daina damuwa da abin da yake da mahimmanci a da, har sai da sannu-sannu, rashin tunani ya taso. Kuma wannan girman ne ke haifar da mutuƙar wahala mai ma'ana. Bari mu yi magana game da shi yau in Bezzia.

Rashin tunani, wani nau'i ne na azabtarwa

Rashin tunani shine, ba tare da wata shakka ba, mafi munin nau'in wahala ana iya jin hakan a cikin dangantaka. A zahiri, Sigmund Freud ya riga ya faɗi wannan girman a lokacin, yana bayyana mana cewa rashin dacewa da ƙaunataccen ƙaunataccen shine mafi girman nau'in azabtarwar da zata wanzu. A saman ko da ƙiyayya kanta.

Dalilin? A bayyane yake cewa babu ɗayan waɗannan girman da yake da ƙoshin lafiya ko tabbatacce, amma ƙiyayya tana haifar da wani nau'in tausayawa. Iyayya da abokin rayuwarka ta wata hanya cutarwa ce da halakarwa, amma a cikin wani irin jin dadi koyaushe a bayyane yake a ciki… «Na tsane ku ne saboda baku san yadda za ku so ni kamar yadda na cancanta ba», «Na tsane ku ne saboda kun cutar da ni».

Rashin kulawa, a gefe guda, yana nuna rashin cikakken motsin rai da sha'awar mai ƙaunarku, akwai cikakkiyar ƙaura wacce ta keɓe ma'auratan gaba ɗaya.

Bari mu gan shi daki-daki.

Emotionalarfin halin rashin tunani

Rashin kulawa zai iya zama bayyanannen amsa mai mahimmanci ga duk tambayoyin da muke da shi game da yadda abokin mu yake ji. A lokacin da muka fahimci wannan rashin motsin rai, abubuwan sha'awa da damuwa, ba zai amfane mu da komai ba don ci gaba da kula da duk wani fata.

Rashin hankalin yana nan, kuma bayyanannen martani ne cewa ba sa son mu kuma. Wani abu ne wanda za'a iya gani a cikin gani, cikin isharar, da waɗannan kalmomin waɗanda ba sa bayyana a cikin tattaunawa.

Kuna iya tunanin ko Yin haka a ɓangaren ɗayan azabtarwa ce a fakaice cewa ya kamata mu sake tunani:

• A lokuta da dama, lokacin da karayar zuciya ta bayyana a cikin mutum, rashin sha'awa yana da jinkiri amma yana ci gaba, kamar yadda asarar hasashe take.

• A bayyane yake cewa duk lokacin da ɗayan membobin biyu suka ga irin wannan rashin daɗin, abu mai ma'ana shi ne cewa suna sadarwa da shi. Koyaya, abu ne wanda ba kasafai ake yin sa nan da nan ba.. Saboda tsoron cutarwa, don ba kanka lokaci don fayyace yadda kake ji.

• Saboda haka rashin kulawa zai iya farawa azaman wani abu ba da son rai ba. Koyaya, kaɗan kaɗan ya riga ya san abin da ke faruwa, kuma don haka, Kafin haɓaka wahala a cikin wannan dangantakar, abin da ke da lafiyar rai shine sadarwa da shi. Yi magana game da wannan rashin ƙauna, wancan asarar sha'awa.

Hattara da rashin tunani na ƙarya

Muna magana ne game da rashin kulawa lokacin da mutum yayi amfani da shi dabarar da ba ta dace ba ta bayyana ba ta da sha'awa, don ɗaukar hankalin wani.

Akwai mutanen da wasu lokuta suke nema sake farfado da dangantaka ko ma sanya abokan huldarsu cikin jarabawa. Kuma saboda wannan suna yin amfani da dabarar dabara ta nuna halin ko-in-kula, rashin sha'awa da ma kauce wa ƙaunataccen.

Kamar yadda yake al'ada, wannan halin zai haifar da damuwa mai girma ga ɗayan. Abin da muke yi, bayan komai, yana haifar da damuwa mara ma'ana, wanda ya kamata a warware shi ta hanyar sadarwa mai kyau.

Rashin damuwa na ƙarya yakan haifar da ƙaramin fata. Lokacin da wannan ingantacce ne, lokacin da abokin tarayyarmu tayi haka saboda ya daina ƙaunace mu, zamu iya isa yana jin cewa watakila yana "ƙoƙarin neman sha'awarmu," alhali kuwa ba haka yake ba.

Yadda ake sarrafawa da fuskantar rashin kula na abokan mu

Halin da aka nuna alamar rashin kulawa, bai kamata a kiyaye shi da yawa a kan lokaci ba. Babu ma'ana a tsawaita yanayin da ba shi da gaskiya, yayin da soyayya ta riga ta ɓace. Ba cikakke ko lafiya ba. Don haka yana da mahimmanci ka sake tunani game da duk waɗannan matakan don fuskantar wannan yanayin:

• Yana da wuya a yarda cewa ba sa son mu kuma, amma karayar zuciya koyaushe yana ba da alamu, da kuma nuna halin ko-in-kula yana daya daga cikinsu saboda ba a yin la'akari da shi.

• Duk lokacin da kuka lura da shi, da zaran kun karanta abin da basu da sha'awa a idanunsu, ku fitar da damuwarku, shakku. Rashin jin daɗinku a gaban irin wannan rashin kulawa.

• Kada kawai kuyi shiru kuma ku kasance da bege na ƙarya, saboda ta wannan hanyar kuna ƙara faɗaɗa wahalar.

• Ka sanya abokin zama ya furta da kalmomin yadda yake ji. Ko da kana sane da abin da zai fada, ya zama dole ka san abin da zai faru don ka fi dacewa da rabuwa. "Rashin sani" yana hana mu ci gaba tare da mutunci da aminci.

• Mun san cewa fuskantar ƙin yarda, ko sanin cewa ba su ƙaunace mu ba, na iya nufin fuskantar fuskantar duel mai wahala. Cewa za mu bukaci lokaci, kuma yana iya yi mana wuya mu manta da wannan dangantakar. Yanzu, rayuwa matakai ne na tafiya, ɗauka da haɗa kai cikin mahimman iliminmu.

Kuma mahimmin abu shine mu kewaye kanmu da mutanen da ke ƙaunarmu, kuma ga wanene, ba a ɓoye mu ba ko kuma kula da mu da rashin kulawa.

Selfaunar kai ita ce waccan dangantakar da dole ne a kiyaye ta tsawon rayuwar ku, wacce ba za ta taɓa kassara ku ba.