Izingxabano zombhangqwana zenzeka lapho kunokungafani phakathi kwamalungu amabili. Izisusa ezahlukahlukene, inkinga engaxazululiwe, ukudumazeka, noma ukukhashelwa okuthile. Ungaziphatha kanjani? Imvamisa iba yisisekelo sokungeneliseki kwethu, lapho intukuthelo, ukukhungatheka futhi, empeleni, ukuncipha kwesibopho nomuntu esimthandayo kunqwabelana. Ukubhekana nezingxabano kubalulekile ukugcina ubudlelwane bomlingani wethu, kudinga ukuthi sazi ukuthi singawasebenzisa kanjani amakhono athile ukubhekana nalokhu kungahambisani.
Ukusebenzisana kwamalungu amabili kubalulekile ukuxazulula noma iyiphi inkinga. Amasu okuxoxisana, ukuphathwa ngokomzwelo namasu ku ukuxazulula izingxabano, angasisiza ezimweni ezinjalo. Kepha kufanele sikhumbule ukuthi ayikho "iresiphi yomlingo" yayo yonke imibhangqwana. Ngamunye wethu unezimo zakhe futhi kufanele anqume ukuthi yiliphi isu noma isixazululo esizolungela isimo ngasinye.
Izakhi ezine zengxabano emibhangqwaneni
UJohn gottman, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo e-University of Washington, unikele ingxenye yomsebenzi wakhe ekubhekaneni nodaba lwezingxabano emibhangqwaneni. Iphuzu lokuqala ukuliqonda ukuthi ukungqubuzana uqobo akuyona inkinga yangempela. Into ebalulekile indlela esiyiphatha ngayo. Ukukhala, ukuthukwa noma ukuthukwa ngeke kusisize ngalutho. Lo mbhali uchaze lokho akubiza ngokuthi "Abagibeli Bamahhashi Abane", okungukuthi, izingxenye ezine ezihlinzeka isisekelo sakho konke ukungqubuzana nokuthi kufanele sazi ukuthi singakulawula kanjani.
- Ukugxekwa. Kuvamile ukusebenzisa ukugxeka lapho sizizwa ukulimala noma ukucasulwa. Sihlasela ubuntu bozakwethu ukuze sigcizelele amaphutha abo, siveze ukungaboni ngaso linye futhi sibenze baphendule ngokwenzekile. Kwesinye isikhathi sisebenzisa ukugxeka ukuhlasela umuntu esikhundleni sokuziphatha. Imishwana efana nokuthi "awunakudlala kahle" ivamile kulezi zimo. Kumele sikucabangele.
- Ukudelela. Lokhu kuzoba okuningi kakhulu ingcwaba. Ngemuva kokugxekwa, ukudelela nokungahloniphi kungavela. Kuyiphuzu eliyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu ngaphakathi kwezingxabano lapho amahlaya okubhuqa, ukuhlekisa ...
- Yiba ukuzivikela. Sivame ukwamukela izindlela zokuzivikela ngesikhathi sezingxabano njengempendulo yemvelo, njengesenzo esizenzekelayo. Ukungezwani, izinzwa, i imizwelo Bayasidlula futhi asikwazi ukulalela okunye. Siyayiphika imithwalo yemfanelo, senza izaba noma sikhuze izikhalazo ezingasisizi ekuphatheni udweshu. Kokubili thina nozakwethu sivame ukwethula lesi simo sengqondo, ukubhekana naso kudinga ukwazi ukuthi singasibona kanjani kuqala, bese sizama ukwamukela nokulalelana.
- Icebo le-bolt-action. Lokhu kuziphatha kuvela lapho elinye lamalungu amabili uyenqaba ukusebenzisana. Kuyisu elonakalisayo lapho sizivalela khona futhi singanikezi ithuba lokuxoxisana, lokuqonda. Kuvame kakhulu kubo kunathi, kwesinye isikhathi kungabesilisa abanobunzima obukhulu bokuvula imizwa futhi babambe iqhaza engxoxweni eyakhayo, lapho bekhuluma khona ngemicabango yabo, imizwa yabo.
Funda ukuphatha izingxabano
Yini engaba yizinyathelo zokuqala?
- Isinyathelo sokuqala sokubhekana nengxabano kumlingani wakho ukwamukela ngendlela evuthiwe ukuthi kukhona "okuthile" ebudlelwaneni bakho okungasebenzi, okuthile okungakuvumeli ukuba ujabule futhi okudinga ukufuna izixazululo. Nobabili kufanele nivumelane ngalesi sidingo. Yazi inkinga Kuyimpumelelo yokuqala ebheke enhlosweni yethu.
- Isinyathelo esilandelayo sizoba qala inkhulumomphendvulwano, thola isikhathi lapho ukuxhumana phakathi kwalaba bobabili kungenzeka futhi kukhululeke nobabili. Ngalokhu kufanele sinake ezinye izici esizichaza ngezansi.
Khetha indawo nesikhathi esifanele sengxoxo
- Kokubili ukudla nesikhathi sokulalaAkuzona izindawo noma izikhathi ezinhle kakhulu zokukhuluma ngezinkinga zakho. Azinethezekile, futhi ziyizikhala ezinikezelwe zezinye izidingo. Umbhede, ngokwesibonelo, isikhala okufanele sihlangane nokusondelana nothando nothandekayo. Uma siqala ingxoxo kule ndawo, ngokwesibonelo, sizogcina ngokuhlobanisa lokhu "kunganaki" negumbi lokulala.
- Kufanele ubheke izikhala lapho kukhona ubumfihlo. Kubalulekile futhi ukuthi izingane zethu noma ezinye izihlobo zingabi phambi kwethu. Futhi gwema izindawo lapho osuke waxoxa ngazo ngaphambilini.
Izindlela nezindlela zokubuka izingxabano
- Kufanele samukele isimo sengqondo esivulekile, sizitshele ukuthi yonke inkinga inesixazululo esizwakalayo.
- Akufanele sicabange ukuthi izingxabano zifinyelela esixazululweni lapho omunye walaba ababili ehlulwa. Akusikho ukunikela ukuze omunye umuntu anqobe. Impela. Sizokwenza umzamo wokuthola ikhwalithi yempilo, sifunde kulokho okwenzekile futhi siqinise ubudlelwano bethu.
- Ukuxazulula inkinga kufanele senze izivumelwano.
- Kufanele ujwayeze i- ukulalela okusebenzayo, ukulawula imizwa ukulalelana.
- Nobabili kufanele nazi ukuthi ukuthola isivumelwano, akumele siphoqe, sisongele noma sisabise. Ama-Ultimatums awalokothi abe mahle.
- Kufanele wazi ukuthi ufuna ukuthola ini nokuthi yini ozimisele ukuyiphindisela. «Ngizokwenza lokhu uma nawe ... ngizokushiya lokhu uma ungikhombisa ukuthi yini ... »
- Ungakhohlwa ukusebenzisa i- uzwela, Kufanele uziqonde, kepha futhi uzibeka endaweni yomunye (futhi okuphambene nalokho). Ngale ndlela ukuqonda kangcono imizwelo kutholakala.
- Gwema ukuhamba ukufutheka kufihliwe. Konke okuzwayo, konke okukuhluphayo kufanele kushiwo ngokuzwakalayo.
Ukuphetha, ukuxazulula izingxabano inqubo ye nika futhi uthathe. Kufanele siphathe ukwanelisa izidingo zethu nezabanye ukulinganisa ubudlelwano, ngaleyo ndlela sifinyelele ezingeni lokuzinza lapho singathandwa khona. Akuyona inqubo elula, ayikho iresiphi engenangqondo yayo yonke imibhangqwana. Izimo ezithile zomuntu ngamunye wethu ziyisisekelo sokwenza ukukhetha noma okunye. Kepha ngaphandle kokungabaza, uthando, kanye nesidingo sokugcina ubuhlobo bethu bangabakhuthazi abahamba phambili.