Ukuthanda abantu ababili ngasikhathi sinye kuyinto engabonwa noma yamukelwa kahle emphakathini. Kubandakanya ukwakha unxantathu lapho elinye lamalungu likhohliswa, lapho i- ukuhlupheka ngokomzwelo kwesinye isikhathi liphezulu kakhulu futhi livame ukuphela ekwehlulekeni. Kepha ake sicabange ngokwesibonelo kulawo macala asondele kakhulu kithi, abantu abagcina ubudlelwane obuqinile futhi obuzinzile nabalingani babo, kepha noma kunjalo baqhubeke nokulukhumbula lolo thando lwakudala. Lobo budlelwano okuthi, nganoma yisiphi isizathu, abuphumelelanga. Uthando oluqhubeka enkumbulweni, nokuthi, ngandlela thile, lubenza "bathandane" nabantu ababili ngasikhathi sinye.
Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zisitshela ukuthi kunezinhlobo eziningi zothando. Futhi ngaphezulu, uthando kumuntu ludlula ezigabeni eziningana lapho singazizwa khona imizwa ehlukile: uthando, ukukhangwa ngokocansi, uthando ... yingakho kungacabanga ukuthuthukisa imizwa ehlukene yabantu ababili ngasikhathi sinye. Ngakho-ke, njengoba ochwepheshe nabelaphi besitshela, lokhu kunjalo iqiniso elijwayelekile kakhulu phakathi kwethu. Sichaza kancane ngezansi.
1. Imiphumela yokuthanda abantu ababili ngasikhathi sinye
Umphakathi waseNtshonalanga uyasimaka imihlahlandlela yokuziphatha phakathi kwayo, akubonwa kahle noma kwamukelwa ukuthi umuntu unabafazi ababili. Kujwayelekile kakhulu, kepha, ukuthi banobudlelwano obufanayo nobuyimfihlo. Abantu okuthi, ukuba nomlingani ozinzile, babe "nokuthandana" okuyimfihlo. Yinto okuthi, njengoba sesivele sazi, ibandakanye ukuhlupheka okukhulu nokukhathazeka. Kucabanga ukukhaphela kulowo muntu esigcina ukuzibophezela kuye.
Lezi zinhlobo zezimo zivame kakhulu emahhovisi abelaphi. Kepha labo abathola leli qiniso bathi izindleko ezingokomzwelo nokuhlupheka kuvame ukuba phezulu impela. Ingabe mayelana okuhlangenwe nakho okuthintekayo nokuqonda ezidinga izinga eliphezulu lokubandakanyeka, okusifaka engxabanweni engenakulinganiswa ngaso sonke isikhathi okungelula ukubhekana nayo. Ake sikubone ngokuningiliziwe.
- Izindleko ezingokomzwelo: Ake sibeke icala elilula. Umuntu ukhohlisa umlingani wakhe nesithandwa sakhe sesithathu. Njengoba kufanele ugcine leyompilo embaxambili wazi ukuthi ukhaphela umuntu nokuthi lokho kungenzeki, awukwazi ukuhola impilo ephelele futhi ejwayelekile onobudlelwano naye, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi angafaka lowo muntu engxabanweni enkulu. Kuyiqiniso ukuthi konke kuncike ohlotsheni lobuntu kanye nohlamvu uqobo lomuntu ngamunye, kepha akukho nkohliso engagcinwa ingunaphakade, futhi imiphumela engokomzwelo bazoba nezindleko eziphezulu.
- Ingcindezi yomphakathi- Lesi isici esingenakuphikwa esihlobene nomqondo wokuthandana nabantu ababili ngasikhathi sinye. Akekho owayengamukela ukuthi umlingani wethu, ngokwesibonelo, wayenomunye umlingani. Akujwayelekile emasikweni ethu. Futhi nokuningi, uthando luvame ukufuna ukuba yedwa nomuzwa othile wobunikazi obugcwele. Bangabalingani bethu ", sifuna ukuthi uthando nezocansi kungadluli kumbuthano wabashadikazi, leyo nkinga esiyakhayo omunye nomunye. Lokho kusho ukuthi, siyayazisa futhi siyayifuna into yokuba umuntu abe neqabane elilodwa nokuthi abalingani bethu nabo babe neqabane elilodwa. Ngakho-ke ubunzima bokwamukela "ukuthi kukhona indawo yokuthi kungenzeka uthande abantu ababili ngasikhathi sinye."
2. Izigaba zokuthandana
Ababhali bathanda U-Otto Kernberg Bakhombisa ukuthi umqondo wokuthandana nabantu ababili ngasikhathi sinye nawo uzobe uhlobene nezigaba ezehlukene zokuzithanda uqobo. Ngamanye amagama, abantu badlula ezigabeni ezahlukahlukene lapho lokho okubizwa nge- "biochemistry yothando" kusebenza ngezindlela ezihlukile:
1. Isigaba sokuqala
Lapha abantu babhekana nokuqhuma kwemizwelo. Ubuchopho bethu bulawulwa ngaphezu kwakho konke ngama-neurotransmitter amabili anamandla kakhulu anjenge I-dopamine ne-adrenaline, sikwazi ukusifaka esimweni se-euphoria. Sizizwa singenakho ukuthula, sinovalo, sijabule. Sizizwa sinovalo esiswini, ubunzima bokugxila nokukhathazeka ngokweqile kwalowo muntu esithandeka ngaye.
2. Isigaba sesibili
Kulesi sigaba sesibili sokuthandana uyalingisa i-oxytocin. Kuyi-neurotransmitter eyandisa kithi umuzwa wokunamathiselwa nobunye. Kuyisigaba esikhululeke kakhudlwana lapho abantu beqala khona izinhlelo ezifanayo, baqinise ubudlelwano futhi baqinise ukuzibophezela kwabo. Akuseyona uthando olunomdlandla nolwesabekayo njengalolo lwangaphambilini, kepha lokho esikwaziyo ngokuthi "uthando lwezithandani" kuhanjiswe kakhulu. Ngokusho kwezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo, uthando olunothando aluhlali ngaphezu konyaka nohhafu.
3. Isigaba sesithathu
Lapha sesivele singena esigabeni sokunamathiselwa kwansuku zonke. Lapho lapho kutholakala khona uthando, uthando olukhululekile lapho ukuzinza kukhomba khona usuku nosuku ngaphandle kokushiya eceleni uthando lwesikhashana, kepha lapho ukuzibophezela ngokuthula ngokuqagela okuqinile nokuzinzile okuvame kakhulu. I-Adrenaline ne-dopamine azisekho kangaka, ukuthi i- "euphoria" ayisekho. Kakhululeke ngokwengeziwe, izibopho eziphakathi kwamalungu womabili sezivele zisungulwe kahle, futhi okunamathiselwe kuyisibonelo sosuku nosuku. Kungase kube, uthando oluvuthiwe ngokwengeziwe.
Singakusho-ke ukuthi, yize kungabonwa kahle futhi kungamukelwa, ngokwemvelo nangokomzwelo kungenzeka ukuthandana nabantu ababili ngasikhathi sinye. Isibonelo, singaphila leso sigaba sesithathu sothando nomlingani wethu futhi ngokuzumayo, sizwe lokho kujabula komuntu esisebenza naye noma umngane. Kepha manje, imininingwane ikhombisa ukuthi kunjalo ubudlelwane obungaphumeleli ngezindleko eziphakeme ezingokomzwelo. Uthando ngokungangabazeki luyisici esiyinkimbinkimbi futhi kunzima ukusikhipha ngaphansi kwelensi yesibonakhulu ukuze sikuqonde ngokuphelele. Sivame ukuzama ukulihlukanisa ngaphansi kwamalebula ahlukile: uthando lwezithandani, uthando lweplato, uthando olunothando ...
Kepha khumbula, kungcono ukuhlakanipha futhi uzame ukugcina ibhalansi lapho, ungalimazi muntu, futhi uhlale uzifunela injabulo.