Abafana abaqinile noma bamane babhalwe ukuthi "bafana ababi." Amaphrofayili we-Charismatic okuthi, lapho uthi nhlá, ubonakale enokuzethemba okukhulu. Mhlawumbe yilokho okusidonsela kubo, umbono kwesinye isikhathi ohlotshaniswa nenganekwane engasiniki njalo ubuhlobo obuzinzile nobenelisayo. Kunezifundo ezimbalwa ezenziwa kulo mbono, unentshisekelo yokuthola ukuthi kungani lezi zinhlobo zabesilisa zivame ukuba yizona ezivame ukuheha abesifazane.
KwakunguPeter Jonason, wase-University of New Mexico (USA), owayehola iqembu lososayensi ukuze bafinyelele eziphethweni ngalo mbono. Into edalula kakhulu ngokungangabazeki ukwazi ukuthi lolu hlobo lokuheha luvame ukwenzeka ikakhulukazi kwabesifazane abasebasha, luguqula ukuthambekela kancane njengoba sikhula. Kepha uJonason ukwazile ukukhombisa, ngokwesibonelo, izinga eliphakeme lokuphumelela ezimeni zaseyunivesithi, labo bonke abafana asebekhulile. extroverted, engazinzile, futhi ngokuthintwa kwe-narcissistic. Okufanele ukukhumbule, ngoba yilezi zinhlobo zobuntu eziholela ekwehlulekeni okukhulu lapho kusungulwa ubudlelwano. Ake sikubone ngokuningiliziwe.
Ubungozi bokwakha ubudlelwano nobuntu obuthandayo
Kunjalo, abafana ababizwa njalo ngokuthi "banzima" empeleni bafihla i- ubuntu obuyingozi impela. Ngokusobala asikwazi ukuhlanganisa, kepha ngokujwayelekile ziveza izici ezicacile ze-narcissistic ngaphezu kokukhombisa ukuthambekela kwe-Machiavellianism. Lesi silinganiso sokugcina sizobandakanya lezi zindlela zokuziphatha ezilandelayo:
- Ukuziphatha okungaqondakali, lapho i- ukuzizwa uphakeme, kanye nesidingo sokufaneleka kwabo namathalenta abo ukuze kubonwe.
- Imvamisa bane- uzwela phansi kakhulu, abakwazi ukubona imizwa komunye umuntu, ngoba ngokuvamile, bayayazisa imizwa yabo ngokwengeziwe.
- Izindlela ezivame ukuhlobana ngazo ngokuyinhloko ziyinzuzo yomuntu siqu. Ubuhle babo, ukuheha kwabo, kuvela ngaphezu kwakho konke ukufeza abakufunayo, yingakho ukuphendula kwabo okungokomzwelo kuvame ukukhohliswa.
- Imvamisa zinekhono abakhohlisi, futhi bahlakaniphile ukuthola abakufunayo.
Kuleli qophelo uzomangala ukuthi bangaki abesifazane ababathola beheha. USolwazi D. Asquith (2014) ukhombisa ukuthi imvamisa kuba "ngabantu ababi" okuyibo kakhulu impumelelo kwezocansi ngokuvamile banakho. Futhi lokhu kungenxa yokuthi bayakhohlisa futhi bayakwazi ukusebenzisa amasu afanele okuheha abesifazane.
Kukhona labo abanezela inhloso yemvelo kanye nomqondo wokuthi abesifazane, ngokusobala, bazothola izinkomba ezinhle zokuzala kulezi zimfanelo zobudoda. Kepha ukushiya lesi sici esingabazekayo okubonakala kucacile ukuthi lolu hlobo lokuheha luvame ukuba nalo ezinsukwini zethu zokuqala. Nini sibancane futhi sizivumela ukuthi sithathwe yingxenye yobungozi. Kepha kukhona elinye iqiniso futhi elijwayele ukudonsela ukunaka: ngaphezu kwengxenye yabesifazane abaqala ubudlelwano nalolu hlobo lwamadoda, bazi kahle kamhlophe ukuthi ngeke baphele kahle. Ukuthi ngeke kubanikeze uzinzo. Kepha "ingozi" elula ebandakanyekayo kukodwa iyajabulisa ngokwanele ukuthi ikufanele.
Yiziphi izilinganiso ezinempilo kunazo zonke okufanele zibhekwe kumuntu wesilisa?
Siyazi ukuthi ngeke sihlale sikhetha abantu esithandana nabo. Kepha njengoba sikhula futhi sivuthwa, ulwazi luzosikhombisa ukuthi kukhona amaphrofayili ahlukile anempilo kunamanye. Abantu abazokwazi ukusenza sijabule futhi ubuntu obuyingozi lokho, nokho, kuzosilethela ukuhlupheka kuphela. Ngakho-ke ake sihlaziye ukuthi iziphi izilinganiso ezingasinikeza ukuzethemba okwengeziwe kumbhangqwana:
1. Inhlonipho nokuzibophezela
Inhlonipho iguqulela emuzwa wokuthi sibalulekile kothile, ukuthi uyabazisa ukuthi singobani nokuthi yini esichazayo. Ukuthembela kugcwele inhlonipho "Ngiyakuthanda lokho oyikho futhi ngiyakwethemba, yingakho ngikunikeza inkululeko yokuthi uqhubeke ukhule njengomuntu, futhi ungihlanganyele nami njengezithandani." Ukuzibophezela nakho kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi ubudlelwano bunekusasa, ukuthi akusona isidingo sesikhashana esizophulwa lapho omunye walaba ababili engasenantshisekelo. Ukuzibophezela kusezinhlelweni zekusasa esikhathini esifushane nesikhathi eside, kulokho okusinikeza ukuphepha nokuqinisa ukuxhumana okukhulu ngokomzwelo nomlingani wethu.
2. Ukuxhumana nozwela
Kubalulekile. Ukukwazi ukuxhumana ngokukhululeka nomuntu sazi ukuthi siyezwakala futhi siyaqondakala, ukuthi izidingo zethu ziyanakekelwa, ukuthi bangafunda amagama nezenzo zethu zomzimba, kuyinto eyisisekelo ebudlelwaneni. Ukwazi ukukhuluma ngokwakhayo, ngobunzima bokubukeka nokuthambisa kubaluleke kakhulu. Lezi yizikhathi lapho sizwa khona ukuthi uzwela ohlangothini lomunye, oqonda ukuthi yini esenza sijabule nokuthi yini esilimazayo ... konke lokhu ngokungangabazeki kuzolungiselela ubuhlobo obuzinzile nobunempilo. Lapho lapho sizothola khona injabulo.
Ekuphetheni. Abantu ababi banamandla kazibuthe kanye ne-charisma. Kepha emhlabeni we-cinema kuphela. Empilweni yansuku zonke lezi zinhlobo zobuntu zivame ukuba zincane futhi zivame ukwehluleka ngokomzwelo. Zingakhanga kakhulu ezinsukwini zethu zesikole esiphakeme noma eminyakeni yethu yokuqala yasekolishi, kunjalo, lapho injabulo nobungozi kuhlale kujabulisa kakhulu. Kepha njengoba sikhula, sizokwazi ukuthi yini elungele thina. Futhi bangagcina baze bagcine nalabo bafana ababi nabo ukuvuthwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi futhi baba ngabantu abafanelekile. Kwazi bani.