Ulonwabo emtshatweni

Ngaba ukuhlala kunye kuhlala kungasoloko kugcina ubudlelwane besibini bomelele kwaye buhambelana okanye, ngokuchaseneyo, besiba bobubi kwaye sibangele ukwahlukana? Iziphumo zakutshanje kwicandelo lekhemistri yobuchopho zibonisa ukuba zombini zinokwenzeka. Ukuba isibini asinakoyisa imigibe yamanqanaba ngamanqanaba omtshato, banokugqibela ngokwahlukana. Ukwahlukana kuhlala kuqikelelwa kuba ingqondo inyanzelisa uthotho lokuphendula kwendalo kwinqanaba ngalinye lolwalamano. Indlela la manqanaba ajongene ngayo ixhomekeke ekubeni umtshato uhlala uhleli okanye uyaphela.

I-chemistry yengqondo yamadoda nabasetyhini inefuthe lomtshato, ukusuka kwinqanaba lokuthabatheka ukuya ekudityanisweni kobomi njengesibini. Ukuqonda umahluko wokuziphatha okhoyo phakathi kwamadoda nabafazi kunokuba sisitshixo sokwenza uthando luhlale ixesha elide.

Inqanaba 1. Ukuthabatheka

Xa abantu ababini bethandana, utshintsho lwenzeka kwingqondo yabo. Iyonyusa kakhulu ukufihlwa kwayo kweepheromones (izinto ezisebenza njengemiqondiso kwiimvakalelo), ke xa zinuka okanye zijongana, ingathi iingqondo zazo ziyahlangana. Ukuxinana okuphezulu kwehomoni i-oxytocin kunokubangela ukuba bangahoyi okanye bangazi malunga nokuziphatha kwabo okucaphukisayo, kodwa ekugqibeleni inkanuko iyancipha kwaye ubudlelwane buya kwelinye inqanaba.

Inqanaba 2. Ukuchithwa

Emva kweenyanga ezimbalwa, ingqondo kunye ne-chemistry yehomoni ziqala ukutshintsha, kwaye "ukucinga" yinxalenye yengqondo-i-cortex-iqala ukubona ukusilela kweqabane. Emva koko siziva sinomsindo, ukucaphuka kunye noloyiko oluthile. Ukuba sitshata ngexesha lokuqala 1, kwinqanaba lesibini sinokuqala ukuphikisa.

Njengokuba umyeni ezihlenga phambi komabonwakude endaweni yokuthetha nomfazi wakhe, usenokuqalisa ukuzibuza: Ucinga ntoni? Uziva elahliwe, ngakumbi kuba eyekile ukutyhila iimvakalelo zakhe kuye.

Kwelakhe icala, akasiqondi isizathu sokuba umfazi wakhe aqale ukumgxeka "ngezinto ezingenamsebenzi." Batshatile iminyaka embalwa kwaye banokuba sele benomntwana. Yintoni enye ayifunayo? Nangona eyazi ukuba uyasilela kwinto ethile, akacingi ngendlela yokuyilungisa.

Izinto zobuchopho ezaziphumelele ukuthandana kunye nentabatheko ziye zaphela, kwaye esi sibini siphoxekile. Ngelo xesha kulula ukuthilela ukusilela kwiqabane lethu kwaye ucinge: Lo ayinguye la mntu ndatshata naye.

Nangona kunjalo, kuqhelekile ukuhamba ngeli xesha lokudideka, lokuphela kweekhemikhali kwingqondo zombini. Ikwalinyathelo elibalulekileyo kwiingqondo zabo ezingafaniyo ukuba "badibanise" kwaye baqale ukusebenza ngolungelelwaniso.

Inqanaba 3. Umzabalazo wamandla

Esi sibini sifumana ukungakhululeki sithanda ukubandakanyeka kumlo wamandla kamva. Zombini izinto ezichaseneyo nokupheliswa kwemichiza ngokuzama ukwenza enye ibe yindlela ababeyiyo (okanye babecinga ukuba) kwinqanaba lokuthabatheka. Ngelixa lo mzabalazo uqhubeka, bajongene nobunzima obongezelelekileyo bokuba "bahluke" ngokwe-neurologically, kuba iingqondo zabo zibenza bacinge, baziphathe kakuhle kwaye bathande ngokwahlukileyo.

Eli lixesha elibuhlungu, kwaye ngenxa yokuba begutyungelwe ngumzabalazo wamandla, esi sibini asiqondi ukuba ukungafani kobuchopho kunokuba sisitshixo somtshato wabo ongapheliyo.

Ngeli nqanaba, indoda inokufuna imisebenzi ezizimeleyo ngakumbi, kwaye umfazi, ukuze abe nokunxibelelana ngakumbi nabahlobo bakhe. Nangona le meko isukela kwindima yokufunda ngokwesini kunye nokuziphatha, umahluko ugxininiswa ziziphumo zehomoni ezinje nge testosterone kunye neeestrogen.

Oku kuwuchaphazela njani umtshato? Esinye sezizathu eziphambili zokuba izibini zihlaselane ngokungenalusini ngexesha lomzabalazo wamandla zizimo zengqondo abanazo amadoda nabafazi ngokubhekisele kwinkululeko yomtshato. Akumangalisi ukuba, imitshato emininzi ephela kuqhawulo-mtshato ihlala iminyaka esixhenxe ukuya kwesibhozo, ngokomndilili- ixesha elifanayo umntu ngamnye alichitha ezama ukufumana iqabane lakhe "litshintshe."

Nangona kunjalo, indalo ayisivumeli ukuba sibuyisele umva ikhemikhali kunye newotshi yemithambo-luvo, kwaye umjikelo wobomi uyaqhubeka nezifundo zawo. Isigaba esitsha kubudlelwane siqala xa omabini amaqabane ekugqibeleni efumanisana njengendoda nomfazi kunye nabathandi. Ngenxa yoku, kuyimfuneko ukuba bobabini babenolwazi lwezinto ezithile ezazikhe zafihlwa phantsi komphezulu.

Inqanaba 4. Ukuvuka

Yintoni uninzi lwabantu abatshatileyo abangakwaziyo ukuyiqonda kukuba, ngaphambi kokuthatha inkululeko ethile kubudlelwane babo, kukho inyathelo elidlulileyo elingaziwayo ngabo bobabini. Ngexesha lamanqanaba amathathu okuqala omtshato, amaqabane agcina ubudlelane obusondeleyo, oburhoxisa ubuntu babo. Indoda inokujonga iimvakalelo zomfazi wayo njengenkcitha-xesha, kwanesidingo sayo sokunxibelelana, iminqweno yesondo, kunye nesimo sayo sengqondo ngomsebenzi wasekhaya. Emva koko, unokuqonda imikhwa yendoda yakhe, izinto azithandayo, inkxalabo yomsebenzi, kunye nemfuno yokuzimela njengokuzingca okanye ukusongela.

Ngexesha lesine, esi sibini "siyavuka": bayazi ukuba kufutshane apho bebehlala khona akunampilo kwaye ngoku kufuneka bahlukane ngengqondo. Oku kwahlukana akuthethi ukuqhawula umtshato: kuthetha ukuqondana. Ngexesha lokuvuka, indawo yokucinga yengqondo iyongamela kwaye ichasane nokusabela okungokweemvakalelo okunokubangela ungquzulwano kunye nemvakalelo yosizi ngenxa yokuphulukana okanye ukuncitshiswa komnqweno.

Ngenxa yoko, xa umfazi esenza into ecaphukisa indoda yakhe, usenokuzibamba, athule angakhathali. Kwelinye icala, xa esenza into ecaphukisayo umfazi wakhe, usenokuthi ngovelwano athi, "Ngoku ndiyayiqonda le nto."

Ekugqibeleni, amadoda ayaqonda ukuba abafazi banyanisile: ukuba akukho kufutshane ngokwaneleyo, ubudlelwane bunokubakho buhlukane. Kodwa amadoda alungile: ukuba awunayo inkululeko eyaneleyo, into efanayo inokwenzeka.

Xa sikude kude neqabane lethu, uthando ebesikunandipha ekuqaleni luyacinywa, kodwa ubudlelwane abuyi kuphila nokuba kukho ukusondelelana kangangokuba omnye wethu athintele omnye ukuba azive ekhululekile. Ukuqonda izibonelelo zekhemistri yobuchopho besilisa nabasetyhini sisitshixo sempumelelo.

Inqanaba 5. Ukudityaniswa

Umlinganiso phakathi kweendlela zokuziphatha zobudlelwane phakathi kwendoda nomfazi zenza imeko elungeleleneyo yothando endiyibiza ngokuba "kukuzimela ngokusondeleyo." Umzabalazo wamandla uphelile, kwaye esi sibini samkela amacebo othando oluvuthiweyo, olukhuthaza ukuzimela kunye nokusondelelana kwangaxeshanye. Amadoda ngoku ahlala kunye, akhulisa abantwana, kwaye anika kwaye afumana uthando, kodwa hayi kuba befana, kodwa kungenxa yokuba bafunde ukonwaba ngokwahlukileyo.

Ungabukhuthaza njani ubuhlobo

• Benza izithethe zokuncamathisela, ezinjengokuya kwisidlo sangokuhlwa sodwa, ukufowunelana ngomnxeba, okanye ukuthumela ii-imeyile xa omnye wabo esiya kuhambo. Imikhwa enjalo iba ziintsika ezigcina ubudlelwane, kodwa umzuzu ngamnye womtshato awunyanzelekanga ukuba usondele rhoqo: bobabini bayazi ukuba ezi zithethe zigcina amandla othando xa ubomi bunzima kwaye bunoxinzelelo.

• Baphathana ngobubele nangentlonelo okungenani kwiipesenti ezingama-95 zonxibelelwano. Nangona sihlala sikholelwa ekubeni akakho umntu ofanelwe unyango olungcono kuneqabane lethu, xa sizibandakanya kumzabalazo wamandla sicinga endaweni yokuba kufanele ukuba kujolise kuthi ukukhupha uxinzelelo. Iilobes zangaphambili zobuchopho bethu ziyavuthwa xa siqonda ukuba ububele bubalulekile ukuze wonwabe emtshatweni.

• Basombulula ukungavisisani kwabo endaweni yokuvumela imeko ukuba ibe mandundu. Kuyinyani ukuba bayacaphuka kwaye bayaphikisana, kodwa bayaxolisa ngomsindo wabo kwaye bazama ukusombulula ukungavisisani. Ukuba kuyimfuneko, babhenela kwiintsapho zabo nakubahlobo okanye kwiingcali ukuze zifumane uncedo.

Uyikhusela njani inkululeko

• Bayihlonela i-eccentricities yabo neyantlukwano, ngakumbi ezo zesini. Ukuba umyeni uyazigcina izilawuli kude xa bebukele umabonwakude, umfazi, endaweni yokuba abe nomsindo, uya kukunyamezela oko ngokuzithandela. Kwaye xa efuna ukuthetha ngeemvakalelo zakhe, uyayazi indlela ekubaluleke ngayo oku emfazini wakhe kwaye uzipha ixesha lokummamela.

• Bazigcina izangqa zabo zabahlobo (bahlala bengabafazi kwimeko yakhe kunye namadoda kuye) kwaye bayakhuthazwa ukuba babugcine obo buhlobo. Ekugqibeleni bafumanisa ukuba nangona amaqabane abo ingowona mhlobo wabo usenyongweni, uninzi lweemfuno zabo zeemvakalelo zisahlangatyezwa ngabanye abantu.

• Kunikwe imimandla eyahlukeneyo yokuhlangana. Ukuba umsebenzi okhethekileyo, umdlalo, umdlalo, okanye uhlobo oluthile lokuzonwabisa kubaluleke kakhulu komnye, omnye uyawuhlonipha kwaye uyakukhuthaza. Ke, nganye inezithuba zayo, amaxesha kunye nemisebenzi ebanika inkululeko kunye nokuzimela.

Kubalulekile ukuba wazi ukuba iimvakalelo ezikhoyo phakathi kwenu nobabini zinokutshintsha kule minyaka idlulileyo kwaye olu tshintsho luqhelekile. I-chemistry yobuchopho inquma ukuba oku kuyenzeka, ke ukuzama ukuyiphepha kulilize. Kungcono ukuvumela ibhayoloji ikukhokele ekuqondeni nakwindalo, uthando oluhlala luhleli. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, bonke abantu zizidalwa zendalo, kwaye ngokungathandabuzekiyo ulumke kakhulu.
Via: ukhetho