Eyona nto inzima ngothando ayiyontiyo, kodwa kukungakhathali

Olunye uloyiko lwethu olukhulu kubudlelwane bethu kukuba bayeke ukusithanda. Nangona kunjalo, kude lee nokucinga ngabantu abaninzi, ukuba buhlungu akusoloko kunxulumene nentiyo. Akukho mntu uyeka ukuthanda umntu kuba ubusuku bonke, baqala ukuziva benyanisile okanye belahlwa ngenxa yabo.

Kuyacaca ukuba inokwenzeka, kodwa eyona nto ixhaphakileyo kukuba usuku nosuku ukungabi namdla kwizinto ezincinci kuvela, siyeke ukukhathazeka malunga nezinto ezazibalulekile ngaphambili, kude kube kancinci kancinci, Ukungakhathali kuvela. Kwaye lo mlinganiso ubangela omnye umntu ukubandezeleka okukhulu okubalulekileyo kunye neemvakalelo. Makhe sithethe ngayo namhlanje ku Bezzia.

Ukungakhathali, uhlobo lokuhlukumeza

Ukungakhathali, ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo, yeyona ndlela ibalaseleyo yokubandezeleka ezinokuviwa kubudlelwane. Ngapha koko, obu bukhulu babusele buchaziwe ngelo xesha nguSigmund Freud, esichazela ukuba kukungabikho komdla ongathandekiyo kulowo umthandayo lolona hlobo lukhulu lokungcungcuthekiswa olunokubakho. Ngaphezulu kwentiyo uqobo.

Isizathu? Kucacile ukuba akukho nanye kule milinganiselo isempilweni okanye intle, kodwa intiyo ibonisa uhlobo oluthile lweemvakalelo. Ukuthiya iqabane lakho ngandlel 'ithile kuyingozi kwaye kuyonakalisa, kodwa kwi Olunye uhlobo lweemvakalelo lusoloko lubekiwe kuyo… «Ndikuthiyile kuba awuyazi indlela ondithanda ngayo njengoko ndifanelekile», «Ndikuthiyile kuba undenzakalisile».

Ukungakhathali, kwelinye icala, kuthetha ukungabikho kweemvakalelo kunye nomdla kumntu omthandayo, Kukho iqela elipheleleyo elihlukanisa ngokupheleleyo isibini.

Makhe siyibone ngokweenkcukacha.

Ukungabikho kwemvakalelo kokungakhathali

Ukungakhathali kunokuba yimpendulo ecacileyo necacileyo kuyo nayiphi na imibuzo esinayo malunga neemvakalelo zeqabane lethu. Okwangoku xa sikubona oku kunqongophala kweemvakalelo, umdla kunye nenkxalabo, akusayi kusinceda nganto ukuqhubeka nokukhulisa naliphi na ithemba.

Ukungabikho kwemvakalelo kulapho, kwaye kuyimpendulo ebonakalayo ukuba abasasithandi. Yinto enokubonakala kwinkangeleko, kwizimbo zomzimba, nakulawo magama angasabonakali kwincoko.

Usenokuzibuza ukuba Ukwenza ngale ndlela komnye umntu sisenzo sentuthumbo ngokucacileyo ukuba kufuneka sikhethe:

• Kwiimeko ezininzi, xa usizi luvela emntwini, ukungabinamdla kuyacotha kodwa kuyaqhubeka, njengoko kunjalo nokuphulukana nengqondo.

• Kucacile ukuba mzuzu elinye lala malungu libona ukungakhathali okunjalo, eyona nto isengqiqweni kukuba banxibelelane ngalo. Nangona kunjalo, yinto engaqhelekanga ukwenziwa kwangoko.. Ngenxa yokoyika ukwenza into embi, ngokuzinika ixesha lokucacisa ezakho iimvakalelo.

• Ukungakhathali kuyaqala ngoko ke njengento engabandakanyekanga. Nangona kunjalo, kancinci kancinci sele eyazi kakuhle into eyenzekayo, kwaye ngenxa yoko, Ngaphambi kokunyusa ukubandezeleka kolu lwalamano, into esempilweni ngokweemvakalelo kukunxibelelana nayo. Thetha malunga nokusilela kothando, ukulahleka komdla.

Lumkela ukungakhathali okungeyonyani

Sithetha ngokungakhathali okungeyonyani xa umntu esebenzisa Isicwangciso esiliqili sokubonakala singenamdla, ukuze sithathe ingqalelo yomntu.

Kukho abantu abathi ngamanye amaxesha bafune uvuselele ubudlelwane okanye bade bavavanye amaqabane abo. Kwaye oku bahambisa iqhinga ngobuqili lokubonisa ukungakhathali, ukungabi namdla kunye nokuthintela umntu omthandayo.

Njengesiqhelo, le ndlela yokuziphatha iya kuphakamisa inkxalabo enkulu komnye umntu. Into esiyenzayo emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ibangela inkxalabo engenangqondo, ekufuneka ukuba isonjululwe ngonxibelelwano olufanelekileyo.

Ukungakhathali okungeyonyani kudla ngokubangela ukuba kungabikho themba. Xa oku kuyinyani, xa iqabane lethu liziphatha ngoluhlobo kuba eyekile ukusithanda, sinokufikelela ugcine imvakalelo yokuba "uzama ukufumana umdla wethu," xa kunjalo engenguye.

Silawula njani kwaye sijongane nokungakhathali kwamaqabane ethu

Ukuziphatha okuphawulwe ngokungakhathali, akufuneki kugcinwe kakhulu ngokuhamba kwexesha. Akukho sizathu sokwandisa imeko enganyanisekanga, xa uthando sele luye lwanyamalala. Ayivuthwanga kwaye ayinampilo. Ke kubalulekile ukuba uphinde uphonononge yonke le milinganiselo ukujongana nale meko:

• Kunzima ukuvuma ukuba abasasithandi, kodwa Intliziyo ebuhlungu ihlala inika imikhondo, nokungakhathali yenye yazo kuba ayikhe ivele.

• Okwangoku xa uyiqaphele, kwakamsinya nje ukuba ufunde ukungakhathali emehlweni abo, beka inkxalabo yakho, amathandabuzo akho. Ukungonwabi kwakho ebusweni bokungakhathali okunjalo.

• Sukuhlala uthe cwaka kwaye ugcine amathemba obuxoki, kuba ngale ndlela uyakwandisa ukubandezeleka nangakumbi.

• Yenza iqabane lakho lichaze ngamazwi ukuba livakalelwa njani. Nokuba uyazi ukuba uza kuthini, kuya kufuneka uyazi ukuba kwenzeka ntoni ukuze ukwazi ukumelana nokwahlukana. "Ukungazi" kuthintela ukuba siqhubele phambili ngokuthembeka kunye nokhuseleko.

• Siyazi ukuba ukuhlala ukwaliwa, okanye ukwazi ukuba abasasithandi, kunokuthetha ukuba kufuneka ujongane ne-duel enzima kakhulu. Oko kuyakudinga ixesha, kwaye kunokuba nzima kakhulu kuthi ukuba sibulibale obo budlelwane. Ngoku, ubomi ngamanqanaba ekufuneka sihambile kuwo, ukuthatha kunye nokudibanisa kwimfundo yethu ebalulekileyo.

Kwaye into ebalulekileyo kukuba sizungeze nabantu abasithandayo, kwaye abo, esingabonakaliyo kubo okanye abasiphatha ngokungakhathali.

Ukuzithanda ngokwakho bubuhlobo obumele bugcinwe ubomi bakho bonke, obufanele ukuba abuphelelanga.