Amakhwenkwe alukhuni okanye abhalwe nje "ngabantu abangalunganga." Iiprofayili zeCharismatic ngubani, ekuboneni kokuqala, kubonakala ngathi banokuzithemba okukhulu. Mhlawumbi yile nto isitsala kuthi, umbono ngamanye amaxesha unxulunyaniswa nentsomi engasoloko isinika ubudlelwane obuzinzileyo nobonelisayo. Kukho izifundo ezininzi ezenziwa malunga nalo mbono, unomdla wokufumanisa ukuba kutheni ezi ndidi zamadoda zihlala zezona zixhaphaza abafazi.
YayinguPeter Jonason, waseDyunivesithi yaseNew Mexico (e-USA), owayekhokele iqela lezenzululwazi ukuze lifikelele kwizigqibo malunga nalo mbono. Eyona nto ityhilayo ngokungathandabuzekiyo yayisazi ukuba olu hlobo lomtsalane ludla ngokwenzeka ngakumbi phakathi kwabafazi abancinci, ukutshintsha imeko ngokuya sikhula. Kodwa uJonason wakwazi ukubonisa, umzekelo, inqanaba lokuphumelela eliphezulu kwimixholo yeyunivesithi, kuwo onke la makhwenkwe ngaphezulu ukuxhamla, ukungazinzi, kunye nokuthintela. Into ekufuneka igcinwe engqondweni, kuba zezi ntlobo zobuntu ezikhokelela kwezona zisilelayo xa kusekwa ubudlelwane. Makhe siyibone ngokweenkcukacha.
Umngcipheko wokuseka ubudlelwane kunye nobuntu obunomdla
Injalo loo nto, abafana ababizwa ngokuba "ngabanzima" ngenene bayazifihla ubuntu obunobungozi. Ngokucacileyo asinakho ukuvelisa ngokubanzi, kodwa ngokubanzi babonisa ngokucacileyo iimpawu zobuchwephesha ukongeza ekuboniseni utyekelo lwe-Machiavellianism. Ubungakanani bokugqibela buya kubandakanya ezi ndlela zokuziphatha zilandelayo:
- Ukuziphatha okungafunekiyo, apho ifayile ye- Ukuziva ukongama, kunye nemfuno yokufaneleka kunye neetalente zabo ukuba zamkelwe.
- Bahlala benefayile ye- uvelwano ephantsi kakhulu, abakwazi ukubona iimvakalelo komnye umntu, kuba ngokubanzi, bazixabisile ezabo iimvakalelo ngakumbi.
- Iinqobo zokuziphatha abaqhele ukunxulumana nazo ikakhulu ziyinzuzo yobuqu. Umtsalane wabo, umtsalane wabo, utyhila ngaphezulu kwayo yonke into ukufezekisa oko bakufunayo, kungoko impendulo yabo yeemvakalelo ihlala ibonakaliswa.
- Bahlala benobuchule abaqhubi, kwaye bakrelekrele ukufumana le nto bayifunayo.
Okwangoku uya kuzibuza ukuba bangaphi abantu basetyhini abafumana benomtsalane. UNjingalwazi D. Asquith (2014) ubonakalisa ukuba kuhlala kunjalo "ngabantu ababi" abona bantu baninzi impumelelo yesondo bahlala benazo. Kwaye oku kungenxa yokuba bayalukuhla kwaye bayayazi indlela yokuhambisa izicwangciso ezifanelekileyo zokutsala abantu basetyhini.
Kukho abo bade bongeze iinjongo zebhayiloji kunye nembono yokuba abantu basetyhini, kuyacaca, baya kuthi bafumane izalathiso ezilungileyo zokuzala kwezi mpawu zobudoda. Kodwa ukushiya lo mbuzo ungathandabuzekiyo, kubonakala ngathi kucacile kukuba olu hlobo lomtsalane luhlala lunemihla yethu yokuqala. Nini sibancinci kwaye siyazivumela ukuba sihanjiswe licandelo lomngcipheko. Kodwa kukho enye inyani edla ngokutsala umdla: ngaphezulu kwesiqingatha sabasetyhini abaqala ubudlelwane nolu hlobo lwamadoda, bayazi kakuhle ukuba abayi kuphela kakuhle. Ayizukubanika uzinzo. Kodwa "umngcipheko" opheleleyo ubandakanyekile kukodwa uyonwabisa kangangokuba ungafaneleki.
Yeyiphi eyona milinganiselo isempilweni yokujonga umntu?
Siyazi ukuba asinakuhlala sikhetha abantu esithandana nabo. Kodwa njengoko sikhula kwaye sikhula, amava aya kusibonisa ukuba kukho iiprofayili ezahlukeneyo ezisempilweni kunezinye. Abantu abaya kuba nakho ukusenza sonwabe kwaye ubuntu obunetyhefu ukuba, nangona kunjalo, baya kusizisela ukubandezeleka kuphela. Ke masikhe sihlalutye ukuba yeyiphi imilinganiselo enokusinika ukuzithemba ngakumbi kwisibini:
1. Intlonipho nokuzinikela
Intlonipho iguqulela kwiimvakalelo zokuba sibalulekile komnye umntu, ukuba baxabise ukuba singobani kwaye yintoni esichazayo. Ukuthembela kugcwele ngentlonipho "Ndiyakuthanda ukuba ungubani kwaye ndiyakuthemba, yiyo loo nto ndikunika inkululeko yokuqhubeka nokukhula njengomntu, kwaye nakwicala lam njengesibini." Ukuzibophelela kubalulekile ukwazi ukuba ubudlelwane bunekamva, ukuba ayisosidingo sokwexeshana esiya kuqhekeka mzuzu omnye kwaba babini engasenamdla. Ukuzibophelela kukwizicwangciso zexesha elizayo kwixesha elifutshane nelide, kwinto leyo esinika ukhuseleko kunye nokomeleza amaqhina omphefumlo kunye neqabane lethu.
2. Unxibelelwano novelwano
Ibalulekile. Ukukwazi ukunxibelelana ngokukhululekileyo nomntu othile esazi ukuba siyeviwa kwaye siyaqondwa, ukuba iimfuno zethu ziyahoywa, ukuba bafunde amagama kunye nezimbo zomzimba, yinto esisiseko kubudlelwane. Ukwazi ukuthetha ngokwakhayo, kunye nobunzima bembonakalo kunye ne-caresses kubaluleke kakhulu. La ngamaxesha apho siziva khona ukuba uvelwano kwelinye, ngubani oyiqondayo into esenza sonwabe kwaye yintoni esenzakalisayo ... konke oku ngokungathandabuzekiyo kuya kuseta ubudlelwane obuzinzileyo nobusempilweni. Apho apho siya kufumana ulonwabo.
Ukuququmbela. Abantu abangalunganga banomazibuthe kunye no charisma. Kodwa kuphela kwilizwe le-cinema. Kubomi bemihla ngemihla ezi ntlobo zobuntu zihlala zikhulile kwaye zithambekele ekusileleni ngokweemvakalelo. Banokuba nomtsalane kakhulu kwiintsuku zethu zesikolo esiphakamileyo okanye kwiminyaka yokuqala yasekholejini, ewe, apho ukonwaba kunye nomngcipheko zihlala zivuyisa ngakumbi. Kodwa njengoko sikhula, siya kuyazi eyona nto ilungileyo kuthi. Kwaye banokuphelisa nabo bafana babi ukukhula ekuhambeni kwexesha kwaye baba ngabantu abafanelekileyo. Ngubani owaziyo.