Yenza iqabane lethu lihleke kwaye lihlale ligcina uncumo ebusweni, uthandana. Uluvo yenye yezona zinto zibalulekileyo kulwalamano oluyimpumelelo. Isinceda ukusombulula ukungavisisani kunye nokunciphisa uxinzelelo, ngaphandle kokuthembela kumandla onyango anokuhleka emzimbeni wethu, ngakumbi kwimo yeemvakalelo. Ukuhleka nomntu esimthandayo sisenzo esihle sobunzima kunye nesalathiso esihle sempilo yesi sibini.
Kuphononongo olwenziwe yingcali yezengqondo yaseMelika URittman Eric Blessler, isihloko "Uburharha nokuthandana", wabonisa ukuba amadoda akwaziyo ukuhlekisa umntu wasetyhini ahlala enomtsalane. Kuyinyani ukuba zininzi iintlobo zoburharha, umzekelo, isarcastic isebenzisa ukugxeka kunye neasidi ukukhuthaza uncumo olungasoloko luhle. Uburharha bubukhulu obuhlala buhambelana nobuntu bento nganye. Yiyo loo nto, kufuneka sazi ukuba siyisebenzisa njani ngokufanelekileyo, ngokunyaniseka, ngaphandle kokugculelwa okanye ukuphinda-phindwa kweentsingiselo kwaye sihlala sijonga ngendlela esempilweni. Ukuhleka kukubonisa ulonwabo kunye nokuqina phakathi kwabantu ababini. Akukho lunyango lungcono kunokuhleka okwabelwana ngako.
Ukuba noburharha kusinceda njani kubudlelwane bethu?
Ingqondo yoburharha ngamanye amaxesha sisalathiso se kwimpilo yengqondo kwesi sibini. Masicinge ngayo okomzuzwana: Ugqibele nini ukuhleka neqabane lakho? Ngaba uhlekisa rhoqo? Injani imvakalelo yakho yoburharha namhlanje? Ngaba uyayisebenzisa impoxo okanye ngaba yinto ehlekisayo kunye nehlekisayo? Ukuxabisa zonke ezi zinto kusenza siqonde ubunzima obukule nxalenye kubudlelwane bethu. Kodwa makhe sijonge ngokweenkcukacha ezingakumbi:
Nciphisa ukungqubana
- Iimbambano, iyantlukwano ... azinakuphepheka kuzo zonke iintlobo zobudlelwane. Nangona intlawulo yeemvakalelo ichazwa ngakumbi phakathi kwezibini. Indlela esizisombulula ngayo ezi ngxaki iya kuba sisitshixo sokuzinza kwethu kunye nomnye umntu, impumelelo apho uburharha obulungileyo bunokusebenza njengebhalsam yokunciphisa uxinzelelo. Ukuhleka, ukuhlekisa okuvulekileyo nokufutshane ndiyakwazi ukumamela kunye nokuhlaziya imiphetho erhabaxa, yindlela egqibeleleyo yokubuyisela imvakalelo yokhuseleko kunye nokunxibelelana nenye.
- Uburharha kufuneka bwazi ukuba busetyenziswa njani. Yi ikhono esinokuyiqeqesha. Kufuneka siyisebenzise ngentlonipho, ngaphandle kokuwela ekuhlekiseni okanye ekuhlekiseni ngomnye. I-Sarcasm ihlala iyingozi kwaye idala ukungathembani. Injongo ingaphezulu kwako konke ukunciphisa amandla ombambano wamandla kunye nokunciphisa ungquzulwano, apho kunganyanzelekanga ukuba omnye kwaba babini alunge okanye aphakamise ilizwi ngakumbi kwingxoxo.
- Ukuhleka, uluvo oluhlekisayo noluphuculweyo apho kukho uthando, ngokungathandabuzekiyo sisixhobo esizenzekelayo esinakho ukuzisa umbono omtsha kwimeko. Apho kuhlala kukho igumbi isisombululo sokuyila ungquzulwano, apho sinokubonisa khona iimvakalelo kunye neemvakalelo enkosi kumandla akhululayo okuqonda.
Ingqondo yokuhlekisa ukubonisa iimvakalelo, hayi ukuzifihla
- Ngamanye amaxesha uburharha kunye nokuhleka kunokusebenza njenge imaski. Izixhobo zokufihla ukuphoxeka okanye umsindo. Kule meko singathetha ngehlazo elihlekisayo elihlala lisebenzisa izivamvo ezibini ukuze lingabonisi ubunyani bento umntu aziva ngayo. Ngamaxesha apho ukuhleka ngequbuliso okanye ukuhlekisa okuhle kunokudala ukudideka kubudlelwane bethu njengesibini. Ngubani ongazange ahlaselwe yintsimbi, okanye ngokuhleka okusibangele ingozi ngakumbi kunokulungileyo?
- Kufuneka sithathele ingqalelo. Uburharha busebenza kuphela xa omabini amaqela ekwazi ukulandela isiqhulo. Kwaye oku, kubalulekile ukuba siyazi indlela yokujonga kunye nokuqonda enye, uhlala ujonge ukuphindaphinda. Ukuhleka kunye nokuhleka kufuneka kube yinto enomdla kubo bobabini, into enokuzenzekelayo oyikholelwayo ukuphumla kunye nobunzima.
Uluvo luzisa ulonwabo kwesi sibini
- Umntu ongenzi nje ukuba sihlekise, kodwa naye uyakwazi ukuzihleka, ngumntu onempilo entle ngokweemvakalelo. Ukuhleka kuyanyanga, kunika kwakhona ukubaluleka kweziphene zomntu okanye ezabanye abantu kwaye kumanyanisa abantu. Ubomi njengesibini businika uzinzo kwaye ngamanye amaxesha bunolwazi oluhle olunokusenza siwele esiqhelweni. Kuya kufuneka sazi ukuba sizibona njani iimpawu. Kungenzeka ukuba, ngaphandle kokwazi njani, ngenye imini siyeke ukuhleka okanye ukuqhula kunye neqabane lethu.
- Ukuba senza impazamo yokuwela kuxolo lwesiqhelo ngendlela elungileyo, okanye ukuba siqala thatha yonke into, inkohliso kunye nobunzima baphela belahleka. Okumangalisayo kukuba, into yokuqala esiphulukana nayo zezi ziqhulo, ezo ntsini ziqhelekileyo eziye zavela ngazo naziphi na iinkcukacha, kuwo nawuphi na umsitho wemihla ngemihla.
- Kuya kufuneka sifunde ukukhulisa kunye nokugcina uburharha kubudlelwane bethu bemihla ngemihla. Ukuhleka kuzisa ulonwabo kwaye kuqinisa oko kudibana komtsalane komnye. Kodwa uyifumana njani? Ngokusebenzisa i- sengqondo esifanelekileyo, ukwamkela omnye nomnye nokwamkela omnye ngomelele nobuthathaka babo, uhlala ujonga amathuba okuhleka, ukugcina ithemba kunye nokuzivumela ngaphezu kwako konke. ukuzenzekela.
Akukho mntu wazi imfihlo yokugcina uthando okanye ukwakha iqabane elizinzileyo nelizinzileyo. Kodwa into esiyaziyo kukuba sinokwakha ubudlelwane bethu kwiintsika ezomeleleyo ngokungathandabuzekiyo eziza kusinceda ukuba sifezekise: unxibelelwano, imbeko, kunye nesithako esifanelekileyo kumzuzu ngamnye ... u kuhleka.