Ukwehlukana yizikhathi ezibalulekile eziphila ngokuhlupheka okukhulu. Futhi yize kuliqiniso ukuthi ngamunye wethu ubhekana nalesi sikhathi ngendlela ehlukile, kwesinye isikhathi kuphakama umbuzo wokuthi ngabe ngabe bake bakwenza ngaphambilini, ukuthi ozakwethu bazobe sebesikhohliwe ngaphambi kokuba sibakhohlwe.
Kungaba ukungabaza okuthile okobuntwana, ngoba ngemuva kokwehlukana kubalulekile ukuthi "sizifunele thina", ukuthi sihlanganise izingcezu zethu futhi masithole amandla ebuthakathakeni, ukunqoba i-duel. Manje, izwi elidumile belilokhu ligcizelele ukuthi amadoda akhohlwe ngokushesha, ukuthi avula ikhasi ngokushesha, kodwa ... ingabe lokhu kuyiqiniso? Namuhla ku Bezzia Sifuna ukukutshela ngocwaningo oluthakazelisayo olulungiselelwe ngokusekelwe kulo mbono.
Amadoda athatha isikhathi eside ukuthi alulame
Yebo, ngokuvamile amadoda ajwayele ukuphatha ikhefu ngobunzima obukhulu onothando Ngokocwaningo olwenziwe yiNew York University of Binghamton kanye neUniversity College yaseLondon, yithina esinqobe ukuhlukana ngobuqotho obukhulu futhi esikwazile ukufunda kulokhu okwenzekile.
Manje, sizoqala ngokucacisa ezinye zezici ezibalulekile:
- Asikwazi ukuhlanganisa, lolu cwaningo lushicilelwe ephephabhukwini «Isayensi Yokuziphendukela Kwemvelo » Kwenziwa ngochungechunge locwaningo olushicilelwe kwi-Intanethi nabantu abacishe babe yi-6.000 abavela ezingxenyeni ezahlukene zomhlaba.
- Kunokuhlukahluka okuningi komuntu ngamunye, futhi kufanele sikubheke nalokho akubona bonke ubudlelwano esihlala kubo obufanayo. Kwesinye isikhathi singakwazi ukubhekana ngokwanele nekhefu nomuntu othize, futhi esikhundleni salokho, ubudlelwane bethu bokugcina busibangela ukuhlupheka okukhulu kakhulu kunabo bonke abangaphambilini.
Kumele sithathe lolu cwaningo njengokuthile okuqondile, okuthile okungasiqondisa kepha kungasinqumi. Abantu bahluke kakhulu komunye nomunye futhi uma kukhulunywa ngokukhuluma ngezinhlobo, kuhlala kunezimpikiswano.
Manje, ngokusho komqondisi walo msebenzi, i- isazi semvelaphi yabantu uGraig Morris, lolu cwaningo lusebenze ukuthola uchungechunge lwemininingwane ethokozisayo.
Abesilisa abayivezi imizwa yabo
- Lapho ukwahlukana kwenzeka ngaphakathi kwezithandani, sivame ukuzwa leli qiniso ngokuhlupheka okukhulu. Kodwa ubuhlungu abuhlali isikhathi eside kunokudingekayo.
- Siphila izinsuku namasonto alandelayo ngendlela ebuhlungu. Usizi lukhulu kubantu besifazane, sifuna ukuba sodwa, siyeke ukuqhuma, sicabange ngokwenzekile, sikucubungule ... kepha usuku nosuku, kancane kancane sibuyela esigqini sethu esijwayelekile.
- Amadoda, ngokwabo, abakutholi ukuphelelwa yithemba ngokushesha. Ngemuva kokwehlukana, babonakala bejwayelekile, abayiphili ngokugcwele le duel. Kunzima kubo ukugxila, abenzi emsebenzini, ezifundweni ... Kodwa noma kunjalo, "banikeza isithombe se-solvency". Bacabanga ukuthi isikhathi nezinsuku kuzokwelapha konke.
- Kodwa-ke, izinsuku nezinyanga ziyadlula, futhi ubuhlungu, esikhundleni sokuthamba, buba bukhulu kakhulu. Abayemukeli futhi kwesinye isikhathi awela ezimweni ezizilimazayo. Lezi yizikhathi lapho "bezama ukubuyisana," ukuzama futhi.
- Ngokubheka iqiniso lokuthi abalicubunguli leli khefu ngendlela enempilo, ngokwalo msebenzi, amadoda angakwazi ukuthuthukisa uhlobo lokuba ndikindiki ngokomzwelo. Bazizwa bengenalutho, futhi yize bengase baqale obunye ubudlelwano, lokhu kuzoba okwesikhashana futhi okukha phezulu.
Abesifazane benza ngokuqina
Masikhumbule ukuthi ukuqina yileso simo sengqondo esisenza thola amandla ebunzimeni, uyiqonde futhi uthole ukufundwa okusha ozohlakanipha ngakho, onekhono futhi onekhono.
Kuyacaca ukuthi kunobudlelwano esingenakukukhohlwa, kepha "ukungakhohlwa" akusho ukungakwazi ukuvula ikhasi ukuze uhole impilo ephelele.
Ukuphila inqubo yokudabuka kusisiza kakhulu ukuphatha imizwa, ukuze veza imizwa futhi uhlaziye okwenzeke ngendlela ecacile.
Ngokusho kukaDkt. Greg Norris, obhekele lolu cwaningo, leli khono elisebenza kahle kakhulu labesifazane lokunqoba ukuhlukana nalo lihlobene nenqubo engacacile, inqubo ehlobene ne-biology kanye nendlela yokuziphendukela kwemvelo ngokwengeziwe:
- Abesifazane sikhetha kakhulu kunamadoda ukuthola umaqondana. Sikhonza ubukhulu obuningi, izici eziningi. Futhi ngenkathi ukwahlukana kubuhlungu, singakunqoba ngoba siyazi futhi ukuthi "uzakwethu ofaneleka kakhulu" kungokwethu okuhle. Usesho-ke luyaqhubeka.
- Endabeni yamadoda, ukwehlukana kusho ukuthi kufanele ukuthatha abanye abazongenela ukhetho noma abaphikisi kumlingani. Kutshala isikhathi esiningi nomzamo, lapho ngandlela thile, kuze kube kungekudala, ube nomlingani ohlangabezana nezidingo zakho.
Kuyacaca ukuthi le mibono ingahle ibonakale inquma kuwe, kepha khumbula ukuthi isuselwa enkambisweni yokuziphendukela kwemvelo. Manje ake sibone ukuthi yiziphi izinqubo zengqondo ezinganquma iqiniso lokuthi zithatha isikhathi eside ukukhohlwa, ukwamukela ukuvalelisa. Noma "kuze kube manje ubuhlobo bethu"
Ukubaluleka kokuphathwa ngokomzwelo
Ukuthi abesifazane, ngokuvamile, baphatha imizwa kangcono kunabesilisa kuyamukelwa.
- Sinozwela olukhulu
- Siyakwazi ukuhumusha imizwa yethu, izidingo zethu, ukwesaba nokuthandwa ngamagama.
- Siyayazi indlela yokuhambisa imizwa engemihle, kungaba ngezinyembezi noma ngokusho lokho esizizwa ngokuzwakalayo.
Amadoda, ngokuvamile nangaphandle kokusebenzisa amagama ajwayelekile, bavame ukufihla ukudabuka kwabo ngaphezulu, ukuphoxeka kwakho. Ikhefu, kwesinye isikhathi, lidala intukuthelo, ukukhungatheka ... Futhi yonke imizwa engemihle isisindo isikhathi eside.
Into ejwayelekile ukwazi ukuthi ungakhipha kanjani, uvule imizwa futhi wamukele okwenzekile futhi udlule kulo lonke usizi oluvame ukuhambisana nanoma ikuphi ukulahlekelwa. Futhi okunye kubalulekile ukwamukela, ukuxolela futhi "ukudedela" wempilo yethu nengqondo yethu.
Okwamanje ingqondo ayinayo imithwalo namagqubu, umuntu angathuthuka ngokuthula. Kodwa-ke, ngokwesifundo esikutshele ngaso, ubuntu besilisa abuyekeleli kalula le mizwa.