Into enzima ngothando akuyona inzondo, kodwa ukunganaki

Okunye ukwesaba kwethu okukhulu ebudlelwaneni bethu ukuthi bayayeka ukusithanda. Noma kunjalo, kude nalokho abantu abaningi abakucabangayo, ubuhlungu benhliziyo abuhlobene ngaso sonke isikhathi nenzondo. Akekho umuntu oyeka ukuthanda umuntu ngoba ngobusuku obubodwa, baqala ukuzizwa benyanyeka noma belahlwa ngabo.

Kuyacaca ukuthi kungenzeka, kepha okuvame kakhulu ukuthi usuku nosuku ukungabi nandaba nezinto ezincane kuvela, siyeke ukukhathazeka ngalokho obekubalulekile ngaphambili, kuze kube kancane kancane, ukunganaki kuvela. Y es esta dimensión la que ocasiona a la otra persona un gran sufrimiento vital y emocional. Hablemos hoy sobre ello en Bezzia.

Ukunganaki, uhlobo lokuhlukumeza

Ukungabi nandaba, ngokungangabazeki, kuyindlela ebi kakhulu yokuhlupheka lokho kungazwakala ebudlelwaneni. Eqinisweni, lobukhulu babusivele buchazwe ngaleso sikhathi nguSigmund Freud, esichazela ukuthi yikho kanye ukungabi nandaba kothandekayo uhlobo olukhulu lokuhlukumezeka olungaba khona. Ngaphezulu kwenzondo uqobo.

Isizathu? Kusobala ukuthi abukho kulezi zilinganiso ezinobungqabavu noma obuhle, kepha inzondo isho uhlobo oluthile lomzwelo. Ukuzonda umlingani wakho ngandlela thile kuyalimaza futhi kuyalimaza, kepha ku uhlobo oluthile lomuzwa luhlala lucacile kulo… «Ngiyakuzonda ngoba awazi ukuthi ungangithanda kanjani njengoba kungifanele», «Ngiyakuzonda ngoba ungizwisile ubuhlungu».

Ukunganaki, ngakolunye uhlangothi, kusho ukungabi bikho kwemizwa nentshisekelo ngokuphelele kumuntu omthandayo, kukhona iqembu eliphelele elihlukanisa ngokuphelele lo mbhangqwana.

Ake sikubone ngokuningiliziwe.

Isikhala esingokomzwelo sokunganaki

Ukungabi nandaba kungaba yimpendulo ecacile nenhloso kunoma yimiphi imibuzo esinayo ngemizwa kazakwethu. Okwamanje lapho sibona lokhu kushoda kwemizwelo, izintshisekelo nokukhathazeka, akusizi ngalutho ukuqhubeka nokukhulisa noma yiliphi ithemba.

Isikhala esingokomzwelo sikhona, futhi kuyimpendulo esobala yokuthi abasasithandi. Kuyinto engabonakala ekubukekeni, ezithombeni, nakulawo magama angasabonakali ezingxoxweni.

Ungase uzibuze ukuthi ngabe Ukwenza kanje komunye umuntu kuyisenzo sokuhlukumeza kusho ukuthi kufanele sikhiphe inyumbazane:

• Ezimweni eziningi, lapho ukudabuka kwenhliziyo kuvela kumuntu, ukungabi nentshisekelo kuhamba kancane kepha kuyaqhubeka, njengokulahleka kwenkohliso.

• Kusobala ukuthi isikhathi lapho elinye lalamalungu amabili libona ukungabi nandaba okunje, into enengqondo ukuthi bakhulume ngalo. Noma kunjalo, kuyinto engajwayele ukwenziwa ngokushesha.. Ngokwesaba ukwenza okubi, ngokuzinika isikhathi sokucacisa imizwa yakho.

• Ukungabi nandaba kungaqala ngakho-ke njengokuzibandakanya. Kodwa-ke, kancane kancane usevele uyazi kakhulu ukuthi kwenzekani, futhi ngenxa yalokho, Ngaphambi kokukhulisa ukuhlupheka kulobu budlelwano, into enempilo ngokomzwelo ukuyixoxa. Khuluma ngalokho kushoda kothando, lokho kulahlekelwa inzalo.

Qaphela ukungabi nandaba kwamanga

Sikhuluma ngokunganaki kwamanga lapho umuntu esebenzisa isu lokuvuthwa lokuvela lingenantshisekelo, ukuze lidonse ukunaka kothile.

Kukhona abantu kwesinye isikhathi abafuna buvuselele ubuhlobo noma baze bavivinye ophathina babo. Futhi ngalokhu basebenzisa iqhinga elicashile lokubonisa ukungabi nandaba, ukungabi nasithakazelo ngisho nokugwema othandekayo.

Njengokujwayelekile, lokhu kuziphatha kuzokhulisa ukukhathazeka okukhulu komunye umuntu. Esikwenzayo, ngemuva kwakho konke, kubangela ukukhathazeka okungenangqondo, obekufanele kuxazululwe ngokuxhumana okufanele.

Ukunganaki okungamanga kuvame ukudala amathemba amancane. Uma lokhu kuyiqiniso, lapho umlingani wethu eziphatha kanjena ngoba eyekile ukusithanda, singafinyelela unomuzwa wokuthi mhlawumbe "uzama ukuthola intshisekelo yethu," kanti empeleni akunjalo.

Ungaphatha kanjani futhi ubhekane nokunganaki kozakwethu

Ukuziphatha okuphawulwe ngokunganaki, akufanele kugcinwe kakhulu ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Akunasizathu sokwelula isimo esingathembekile, lapho uthando seluvele lwanyamalala. Ayivuthiwe futhi ayinempilo. Ngakho-ke kubalulekile ukuthi ucabangisise kabusha bonke lobukhulu ukuze ubhekane nalesi simo:

• Kunzima ukuvuma ukuthi abasasithandi, kodwa Ubuhlungu benhliziyo buhlala bunikela ngemikhondo, nokungabi nandaba kungenye yazo ngoba akwenzeki zingabonakali.

• Isikhathi osibona ngaso, ngokushesha nje lapho ufunda lokho kungabi nandaba emehlweni abo, beka ukukhathazeka kwakho, ukungabaza kwakho. Ukungakhululeki kwakho lapho ubhekene nokunganaki okunjalo.

• Ungagcini ngokuthula futhi ugcine amathemba amanga, ngoba ngaleyo ndlela wandisa ukuhlupheka nakakhulu.

• Yenza umlingani wakho aveze ngamazwi lokho akuzwayo. Noma ngabe uyazi ukuthi uzothini, kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi kwenzekani ukuze ubhekane kangcono nokwehlukana. "Ukungazi" kusivimbela ekuqhubekeleni phambili ngobuqotho nokuvikeleka okukhulu.

• Siyazi ukuthi ukuhlala ukwenqatshwa, noma ukwazi ukuthi abasasithandi, kungasho ukubhekana ne-duel enzima kakhulu. Ukuthi sizodinga isikhathi, nokuthi kungaba nzima kakhulu ngathi ukukhohlwa lobo budlelwano. Manje, izimpilo ziyizigaba okufanele sidlule kuzo, zokucabanga nokuhlanganiswa nokufunda kwethu okubalulekile.

Futhi into ebalulekile ukuthi sizungeze abantu abasithandayo, futhi okungebona abangabonakali kithi noma abasiphatha ngokunganaki.

Ukuzithanda wena lobo budlelwano okufanele bugcinwe kuyo yonke impilo, okungafanele neze bukuhluleke.