Philphobia, xa sisoyika uthando

Ifilosofi okanye uloyiko lokuthandana, ayisiyiyo ingxaki okanye ingxaki yeklinikhi efuna unyango. Kwiimeko ezininzi sithetha ngoxinzelelo olulula, imeko yoxinzelelo oluphantsi apho umntu ethintela okokuqala ukubandakanyeka ngokweemvakalelo komnye umntu.

Isizathu? Inyaniso kukuba i-philophobia ifihla uloyiko olucacileyo lokuzibophelela, ukuphepha ukubandakanyeka kubudlelwane apho sicinga "ukuba siza kubandezeleka", ukuba siya kuphulukana nokuzimela kwethu kunye nokulungelelana kwethu ukuze sizithobe kumahla ndinyuka ngokweemvakalelo. leyo, ngokuqinisekileyo, siya kuphelela ekulahlekelweni ulawulo. Isenokukothusa, kodwa namhlanje baninzi abantu abanezi mpawu, amadoda namabhinqa. Ke ngoko sifuna ukuthetha ngefilosofi kwi Bezzia ukukunika ulwazi oluninzi malunga nayo.

1. Zithini iimpawu ze-philophobia?

I-Philophobia ngokwesiko inxulunyaniswa nomfanekiso womntu. Inyani yokufuna ukunqanda ukubandakanyeka kubudlelwane obunobuzaza obunzulu, apho ukuzibophelela kunye nokuqhubeka kufuneka khona, yinto ehlala isoloko ibangelwa ngala madoda aqhelekileyo peter pan syndrome.

Akukho nto inokuthi ihambele kude nenyaniso, kuba singatsho ngaphandle kwempazamo ukuba oku kungazithembi, esi simo sengqondo sokuthandabuza ukuzibandakanya kubudlelwane "obunzulu" obuchaphazelekayo, bukwachaphazela abasetyhini abaninzi. Nangona kunjalo, ngoku masibone iimpawu zokuyiqonda ngcono:

• Umntu one-philophobia akanangxaki yokufumana iimvakalelo. Ngekhe sithethe ngomzekelo we "UAlexithymia", Esi sifo siphazamisekile, umzekelo, ngumlinganiswa ophambili kuthotho "iDexter" kwaye ngokubanzi ibonakaliswa yingxaki yemithambo-luvo eyenza ukuba kube nzima ebantwini ukutolika nokuthetha ngeemvakalelo zabo. Ifilosofi iyazi ukuba luyintoni uthando, luyifumene kwaye luyayibona kwabanye, nangona kunjalo, ukhetha ukuyiphepha.

• Ukuthandana, kungenxa yefilosofi yokuphulukana ukulawula Malunga naye, kwaye yinto leyo ayoyikayo kwaye kwiimeko ezininzi, ibangela uxhalaba kuye. Ukongeza, woyika nokuba sesichengeni, ukuziva ebuthathaka kwiimeko ezithile kwaye ngaphezulu kwako konke, ukuxhomekeka komnye umntu. Uyaluqonda uthando phantse njenge "ankile", njengokulahleka kwenkululeko kunye nokuzazi kwakho. Ngoku, kufuneka sithethe siphendule loo matyala apho abantu abaninzi baye bafumana ukuphoxeka kothando kwaye oku kubenza ukuba baphephe ukuthandana kwakhona ngazo zonke iindleko ukunqanda ukubandezeleka okutsha.

• Kufuneka ikhunjulwe kwakhona ukuba ifilosofi inokugcina ubudlelwane njengesibini. Nangona kunjalo, baya kukhetha amaqabane abangaziva nto kubo, abantu abangabagcinanga ubudlelwane ngokweemvakalelo kwaye ke, ngekhe zibenzakalise. Banokuseka ubudlelwane obuninzi, kodwa bonke bungenanto, okwethutyana kunye nokuzinikela okuncinci. Konke oku kuyabavumela ukuba "babe nolawulo", bazive bekhululekile, bakuphephe ukuziva bebodwa kwaye bangaziva bebandezeleka kakhulu xa ubudlelwane buphela.

• Kukho ifilosofi enokuthi ikhule Unxunguphalo Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba, umzekelo, bafumana uxinzelelo lokwenyani kwaye bayoyika umzuzu abayiqondayo ukuba banokuthandana nomntu. Uninzi lweendlela zokuziphatha ezinokuthintela, bade batshintshe indawo abahlala kuyo okanye basebenze nje ukunqanda "loo mntu" banokuthi bathandane naye. Okwangoku xa sibona ukuba le ngxaki ichaphazela ubomi bethu bemihla ngemihla, siya kuba sele sithetha ngengxaki, indlela yokuziphatha enokuthi ifune uhlobo oluthile longenelelo. Nangona kunjalo, akuqheleki ukuya kwezi zinto zigqithisileyo.

Uthando ngaphandle koloyiko, uthando nokukhula

Lonke uloyiko luthintelo, umnyango esiwuvalayo kunye nodonga oluya kusithintela ukuba sonwabe. I-Philphobia ayikho enye into ngaphandle kokuziphatha okungazukujongana nayo. Kwaye umphumo ufanelekile.

Njengoko besesitshilo ngaphambili, singatsho ngokukhuselekileyo ukuba abantu abaninzi banengxaki yophilophobia, kwaye yingxaki echaphazela abesilisa nabasetyhini. Kungoko kufuneka sizithathele ingqalelo ezi zinto zinomdla imiba.

1. Ukuba uloyiko lwakho phulukana namandla akho okulawula Kwaye ukucinga ukuba uza kuyeka ukuba nguwe ngokuzivula ngokweemvakalelo komnye umntu, cinga ukuba ekuhambeni kwexesha ekuphela kwento oza kuyiphucula ebomini bakho kukungabinanto kunye nokudakumba. Uya kuzisola ngokuba ungazange "ube namava" ovakalelo lokuzivulela umntu kwaye uzive unyanisekile kwaye ngentliziyo epheleleyo. Uthando olusempilweni lolunye olutyebisayo kwaye lukwenze umntu ongcono. Musa ukucinga ngobudlelwane njengeendonga ezinqumle ukukhula kwakho okanye inkululeko yakho. Ulwalamano olupheleleyo nolonwabisayo luyasenza sikhule kwaye siyasityebisa.

2. Musa ukudibanisa uthando kunye nokubandezeleka. Ukuba ngaphambili ubukhe waphila ubudlelwane obukonzakalisileyo, kwaye namhlanje uphuhlise i-philophobia ngenxa yesidingo sokuzikhusela, uqonde ukuba iimpazamo zexesha elidlulileyo akufuneki ziphindwe. Jongana nento eyenzekileyo nge ukomelela, uyayiqonda into yokuba abantu bayakwazi ukujongana nobunzima kwaye bafunde kuyo. Uyayazi into ongayifuniyo ngokwakho, sele uyazi ukuba yintoni ekukhathazayo, ke jonga ubudlelwane obutsha kunye nokhuseleko ngakumbi usazi kakuhle into oyifunayo, into oyifunayo.

Uthando yinto eza kuhlala ityebisa ubomi bakho, eya kwenza ukuba ube ngumntu ongcono kwaye, ekunikezelayo ngeprojekthi yobomi. Ukwala "ukuziva" kukwala ukwaphila. Musa ukusika amaphiko olonwabo kuwe.