Lovesauna masu guba: yaya za a amsa musu?

mai guba son

"Soyayyar ku bata da kyau ga lafiya ta". Masana halayyar dan adam sunyi mana gargaɗi cewa abu ne gama gari a cikin recentan kwanakin nan don samun irin wannan alaƙar: ƙaunatattun abubuwa masu guba. Misali masanin tabin hankali, Montserrat Fornós, alal misali, ya bayyana ma'amala mai guba a matsayin waɗancan alaƙar dogaro da juna tsakanin ma'aurata, inda akwai wani yanayi na zalunci na tunani da na tausayawa wanda mutane biyun suka lalace da juna.

Kamar nau'in abinci har ma da magunguna, akwai alaƙar da ke ƙayyadewa don lafiyarmu ta zahiri da ta motsin rai. Ko a matakin abokantaka ko a matsayin ma'aurata, dukkanmu mun ɗan sami kwarewa tare da waɗannan nau'ikan mutanen. Maza ko mata waɗanda, fiye da haɗuwa, ƙauna ko ƙauna, suna ba mu wahala da damuwa. Hanyoyi ne masu tasiri wadanda suke da alaqa da kyakkyawan yanayin mutum wanda yake da wahalar zama tare, mutanen da suke nesa da sanya mu farin ciki,  sun bar mu cikin kangi cikin mummunan yanayi na wahala da rashin fahimta. Shin kana so ka sani game da abin da ake kira "soyayya mai guba"?

Nau'o'in dangantaka masu cutarwa

mai guba son bezzia

Wani lokaci soyayya ba koyaushe take bayyana kanta a cikin mafi kyawun tsari ba. Hakanan dole ne muyi la'akari da wani bangare: kowa yana da ikon yin soyayyar, har ma da waɗanda suke da matsalar ƙwaƙwalwa. Walter Riso, ƙwararren masanin halayyar ɗan adam masanin alaƙar soyayya, ya ba da tabbacin cewa akwai mutane da yawa da ke da wasu halaye na ɗabi'a waɗanda, kodayake ba su haifar da wata cuta ba, amma ba su da ikon sarrafa motsin zuciyar su yadda ya kamata.

Rashin yarda, rashin girma, kishi ... fannoni ne da zasu bayyana wani nau'in halayyar mutum wanda ake kira da soyayya mai guba. Wannan marubucin, an bayyana shi a cikin littafinsa «Soyayya mai haɗari sosai», jerin dangantaka mai cutarwa wadanda suke gama gari a yau:

  • Loveauna mai ban tsoro: Dangantaka ce wacce ɗayan ma'aurata ke neman kowane lokaci ya zama mai kulawa da ɗayan. Rayuwarsa tana dogaro da cikakken dogaro ga wanda yake ƙauna, kan kulawa a kowane lokaci, ba tare da barin sararin kansa ba.
  • Paranoid / vigilant soyayya: Nau'i ne na aminci tsakanin mutane biyu inda ɗayan biyun suka kamu da son abin da zai cutar ko cutarwa. Duk wani al'amari na yau da kullun ana iya ɗaukar shi azaman raini, ko kuma alama ce ta cewa ba a "son shi". Abu ne na yau da kullun kasancewa cikin kariya, inda ɗayan memban bai san sosai yadda zai bi da shi ba ko yadda zai magance shi don kar ya cutar da shi.
  • Loveaunar ɓarna: nau'ikan dangantaka ne kamar yadda yake mai guba. Wani memba na ma'auratan yana ganin ɗayan a matsayin misali na iko, amma a lokaci guda ya ba shi amsa, yana jin buƙatar tawaye da sake tunatar da "ikonsa."
  • Caunar narcissistic: watakila ɗayan sananne ne. A wannan yanayin, mutum yana mai da alaƙar kan sa, akan yadda yake ji da motsin zuciyar sa, ba tare da la'akari da ɗayan ba. Excessiveaukaka girman kai inda aka bar ɗayan a baya tare da bayyane na kasawa.
  • Loveaunar kamala: halayyar ɗabi'a mai tilasta damuwa. Dangantaka ce inda babu son rai, inda kowane bangare ke sarrafawa ƙarƙashin ra'ayin cewa, ta wannan hanyar, alaƙar za ta yi aiki sosai. Suna sarrafa mutane waɗanda basa ba da wuri ga abin da ba zato ba tsammani ko ga ra'ayin ƙaunataccen.
  • Loveaunar tashin hankali: ba tare da wata shakka ba, ɗayan mafiya haɗari. Dangantaka ce wacce ɗayan ɗawafunan biyun suke sarrafawa ta hanyar tashin hankali. Akwai raini, tilastawa da kuma tashin hankali na zahiri da na hankali. Yana daya daga cikin ƙaunatattun ƙaunatattun ƙaunatattun abubuwa, kuma mafi mutuƙar.
  • Loveauna mai rikicewa: halayyar mutane marasa ƙarfi. Loveauna ce mai halakarwa inda ɗayan biyun, a take take nuna duka soyayya mai tsananin so da alama raini. Soyayya da kiyayya wanda ya ƙare har ya haifar da dangantakar zuwa cikin mawuyacin halin zalunci.
  • Chiaunar Schizoid-hermit: magana daga cikin mafi cikakken rashin tunani. Alaƙar da babu bayyananniyar ma'anar motsin rai, inda yayin da ɗayan ke shan wahala ba ya jin ana ƙaunarta, ɗayan ma bai fahimci wannan ciwo ko buƙatar hakan ba. Abu ne gama gari ga ire-iren wadannan mutane suna wahala "Alexithymia", rashin iya gano motsin rai duka nasa da wasu. Dangantaka ce wacce ba a taɓa samun "Ina son ku ba."

Yadda za a kubuta daga ƙaunatattun abubuwa masu guba?

mai guba son

Masana halayyar dan adam sun yi gargadin cewa a yau abu ne sananne a sami irin wannan ƙaunatacciyar soyayya, alaƙar da za ta iya zama mai hadari sosai. Me yasa muke yin kuskure a wasu lokuta idan ya shafi dangantaka? har ma fiye da haka, za mu iya gane su kafin fadowa cikinsu? Yana da mahimmanci kuyi la'akari da fannoni masu zuwa:

  • Lovesauna masu guba suna dogara ne akan kawancen rashin sani. A cikin salo mai rikitarwa inda membobi biyu na ma'aurata zasu iya ɗaukar nauyi.
  • Akwai yanayin tunani da tunani wanda wani lokaci, zamu fada Ba tare da mun farga ba. Muna tunanin cewa ɗayan yana da mahimmanci a gare mu kuma mun sanya dukkan tsammanin mu akan sa, kuma akasin haka.
  • Dole ne mu kasance a sarari cewa idan kasancewa tare da mutum yana ɗauka cewa yana lalatawa "Kanmu", ba shi da daraja a riƙe irin wannan dangantakar.
  • Wani lokaci zamu iya yin soyayya da mutanen da suke da matsalar mutumtaka. Halin rashin ƙarfi da tashin hankali sune waɗanda zasu iya haifar mana da mafi lalacewa. A bayyane yake cewa soyayya tana haifar da gami mai karfi, amma dole ne a kowane lokaci mu kiyaye mutuncinmu a matsayinmu na mutum, girman kanmu da tunanin kanmu.
  • Kar kayi kuskuren tunani, misali, cewa kishi shine nuna kauna. Wannan dominación daidai yake da ƙauna, wannan sarrafawa daidai yake da so. Dole ne ku kula da kanku kuma ku kalli wasu al'amura da idon basira.
  • Abu mafi mahimmanci shine ku kasance a fili game da abin da kuke tsammani daga dangantaka, abin da kuke so wa kanku. Idan kun san cewa abin da kuke zama tare da abokin aurenku ba abin da kuke tsammani ba ne, cewa kuna zubar da mutuncinku, kawo ƙarshen dangantakar. Lovesaunar guba tana da lahani Gano su ya rage naka.

Kasance na farko don yin sharhi

Bar tsokaci

Your email address ba za a buga. Bukata filayen suna alama da *

*

*

  1. Wanda ke da alhakin bayanan: Miguel Ángel Gatón
  2. Manufar bayanan: Sarrafa SPAM, sarrafa sharhi.
  3. Halacci: Yarda da yarda
  4. Sadarwar bayanan: Ba za a sanar da wasu bayanan ga wasu kamfanoni ba sai ta hanyar wajibcin doka.
  5. Ajiye bayanai: Bayanin yanar gizo wanda Occentus Networks (EU) suka dauki nauyi
  6. Hakkoki: A kowane lokaci zaka iyakance, dawo da share bayanan ka.