Soyayya da bakin ciki ... Shin koyaushe suna tafiya kafada da kafada?

Soyayya da bakin ciki (Kwafa)

Idan kun kasance ɗaya daga cikin waɗanda ke tunanin cewa ƙauna da baƙin ciki koyaushe suna da alaƙa ta wata hanya, to, muna kusanci dangantakarmu mai tasiri ta hanyar da ba daidai ba. Duk da cewa gaskiya ne cewa yawancin ma'aurata suna fuskantar wannan abin mamaki, wannan ba shine abin da ya kamata mu tsammaci ba. Zama ma'aurata yana samun wadata, yana ƙaruwa kowace rana kuma yana jin daɗin daidaituwa da daidaikunmu.

Loveauna da baƙin ciki bai kamata a haɗa su ba. Idan muka sami wannan jin, shine cewa wani abu ba daidai bane, shine cewa akwai wani bangare da yakamata muyi ƙoƙarin warwarewa tare da abokin tarayyarmu. Baƙin cikin da aka yarda da shi wanda ke daɗewa, ya la'anci mu da mummunan motsin rai hakan na iya cika mu da rashin bege ga alaƙarmu ta yau da kullun, ko kuma jefa mu cikin damuwa. Kar hakan ya faru.

Loveauna da baƙin ciki, haɗuwa mai halakarwa

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Wani lokaci mun saba da waɗancan ƙananan abubuwan takaici na yau da kullun. Munyi shiru, bama cewa komai kuma mun barshi ya wuce saboda soyayya tafi karfi kuma muna fadawa kanmu hakan "Cewa kowane murabus ya cancanci hakan."

Bai dace ba, muna bayyana dalilin:

  • Tunanin cewa soyayya da baƙin ciki koyaushe suna da alaƙa ya fito ne daga tsohuwar ra'ayi da "romanticauna ta soyayya." A cikin wannan yanayin hangen nesan, an tabbatar da ra'ayin cewa yayin da kuke shan wahala, haka kuke ƙaunarku. Ma'aurata suna rayuwa cikin dangantaka inda dogaro ya cika, kuma inda kishi, misali, alama ce ta sha'awar kansu.
  • Duk wani murabus da kuka yi wa abokiyar zamanku dole ne ku biyun ku amince da shi. Idan ka bari, to musaya ne da wani abu. Kada ku ji tsoron ganin wannan hanyar a matsayin wani abu ne na son kai, saboda kowace kyakkyawar alaƙa tana ɗauke da yarjejeniyoyi, yana nuna kasancewa ƙungiya ba mambobi biyu ba inda ɗayan ya ci nasara ɗayan kuwa a koyaushe yake shan kaye.
  • Idan akwai wani abu da zai cutar da kai, wanda ya bata maka rai ko kuma ya keta maka kimarka, ka bayyana shi da babbar murya. Wajibi ne mu sadar da duk abin da ya cutar da mu, saboda in ba haka ba, sun zama raunuka na ciki waɗanda ke lalata darajar kanmu.

Me muke fahimta ta bakin ciki a cikin dangantakarmu mai tasiri?

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Dukanmu mun san sosai yadda yake ji yayin da baƙin ciki ya mamaye mu. A bayyane yake cewa kowane ɗayan zai rayu da shi ta hanya, akwai waɗanda suka yi aiki tare da juriya, suna tura dabarun da suka dace, kuma waɗanda a nasu ɓangaren, ke buƙatar lokacin keɓewa "don sake ginawa."

Yanzu, a cikin yanayin dangantakar ma'aurata, kusan bakin ciki kusan ana yanke shi ta hanyoyi biyu:

Abin baƙin ciki don ƙare dangantaka

Kwarewa ce ta yau da kullun, kuma wacce a wata hanya koyaushe ke sanya “soyayya da baƙin ciki” don haka suna da alaƙa sosai:

  • Muna fuskantar rashin jin daɗi, shan kashi, har ma da asarar sha'awar fara sabon alaƙa.
  • Ba a shawo kan baƙin cikin da dangantaka ta ɓace ba daga wata rana zuwa ta gaba. Yana buƙatar tsari na haɓakawa inda muke buƙatar dabarun ciki da yawa, kuma wani lokacin ma tallafi na waje.
  • Hanyar da muka shawo kanta zai sanya mu riƙe fahimta ɗaya ko wata game da alaƙar da ke shafarmu. Duk wanda ya ci nasara da shi da mutunci, don samun ilimi game da abin da suka dandana, zai iya dawo da mafarkin kauna.
  • Wanda ke riƙe da fushi, bawa ne ga motsin ransa, sabili da haka abu ne gama gari a danganta "soyayya da bakin ciki." Bai dace ba, bai kamata mu kusanci kowane ƙwarewa ta mahangar buɗe ido ba, inda muke koyo, inda muka fito da ƙarfi ta kowace hanya.

Loveauna da baƙin ciki a cikin dangantaka ta dogara

Ma'auratan da suke san baƙin cikinsu, da cizon yatsa na yau da kullun kuma waɗanda ba sa magance matsalolinsu, misali ne bayyananne na alaƙar dogaro.

  • Wani lokaci mukan kafa dangantaka inda duk da sanin cewa "ba mu da lafiya", cewa "akwai hawaye fiye da murmushi", ba mu da ikon amsawa. Dalilin? Zamu ci gaba da kaunar wannan mutumin, duk da cewa sune asalin bakin cikinmu.
  • Jin baƙin ciki, cizon yatsa ko jin kadaici bai dace da kasancewa cikin soyayya ba. Kuma a ciki akwai ainihin matsala. Wani lokaci Ba za mu so mu katse dangantakar ba saboda tsoron rasa ƙaunataccenmu ya wuce ko da rashin farin cikinmu. Abu ne mai matukar wahala.

Dangantaka tana buƙatar fitarwa, girmama juna da samun daidaito koyaushe bisa ga kyawawan halaye.

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Babu wanda ya cancanci dangantaka inda akwai kwanaki masu launin toka fiye da lokacin cikawa. Muna tare da mutum shine muyi farin ciki, mu hau kan hanya daya inda dukkanmu muka yi nasara kuma babu wanda ya rasa.

  • Ba kwa yarda kanku ya shawo kanku ta hanyar dangantaka mara nasara ba. Kwarewa mara kyau, inda wani ya cutar da kai ko bai zama yadda kake tsammani ba, bai kamata ya rufe fatan ka har abada ba.
  • Bai kamata soyayya da baƙin ciki su tafi tare ba. Wannan ra'ayin shine don littattafai, don fina-finai na ƙarshe. Ya kamata ma'aurata su ji daɗin haɓaka a kowace rana, kuma idan baƙin ciki ya zo wani lokaci, alhakinmu ne mu fuskance shi.
  • Mummunan motsin rai sune mafi munin abokan gaba ga darajar kanmu da mutuncinmu. Kada ka taba tunanin cewa al'ada ne ka yi bakin ciki game da ƙaunar wani, ko kuma cewa baƙin ciki ya zama wani ɓangare na rayuwarka lokacin da kuka rabu da dangantaka.

Yi farin ciki game da kanka, ka damu da lafiyarka da daidaitawarka. Idan kana farin ciki da alfahari da kanka, zaka iya ba da farin ciki ga wasu., kuma bi da bi, zaku amsa da ƙarfi ga waɗancan mummunan yanayin da rayuwa zata iya kawo mana lokaci-lokaci.


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  1.   Katalina Sagredo m

    Na yarda cewa lafiyayyiyar soyayya ba za ta taɓa samun wahala, dogaro da murabus ba. Koyaya, Ina jin cewa abin da wasu mutane suka fahimta ta “soyayya ta soyayya” ba a fasalta shi ba. Kasancewa mai nuna soyayya baya kasancewa mai ladabi, zaka iya son lafiya kuma ka zama mai soyayya. Rungumewa!